I’m the person who asked this question.
Thank you for your quick response.
I was wondering if I was just overthinking it, but you agree that calling a younger papa-katsu partner by their first name without an honorific can feel rude, right? Especially when it’s someone you only see occasionally—you wouldn’t normally address them that way, would you?
There are other things that make me feel like he doesn’t respect me, so I’ve decided to stop seeing him.
Thank you, everyone.
He’s a rude man, but maybe men don’t find you cute either.
I’m not particularly beautiful or young, but when a man thinks I’m cute and doesn’t want to let me go, the way he asks to see me makes me feel truly valued.
—Akari
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I’m Flagmaker, a columnist.
Isn’t it kind of pathetic to call a woman you met through something like this by her first name without an honorific?
I think it is. I believe a man’s sense of style and personal code matter, so I wouldn’t be friends with that kind of delusional guy.
The only time I call a woman by her first name without an honorific is when she specifically asks me to.
Calling someone that when you’re paying for the relationship and only see each other once a month is just too embarrassing.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I’m what you’d call a low-paying papa, but I’ve never addressed a woman without using an honorific.
On the other hand, if you consider someone a low-paying papa who only sees you about once a month, then I think being addressed casually is a two-way street.
You should cut ties with all your low-paying papas.
Anyone with experience in customer service probably understands this, but people who look down on low-paying papas will sooner or later be dropped by generous, well-paying papas too.
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I’m Papercraft, a male member.
With a monthly arrangement, neither of us gets cut off, and it’s a relationship that works well for both parties, so I don’t feel there’s any need to formally break things off.
If we’re busy, we can simply not meet for a while—even once every three or six months would be fine. We could also grow distant without explicitly ending things, letting it fade out naturally, and then reconnect if needed. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with maintaining a loose, low-pressure relationship like that.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I believe we should show respect to anyone we’re seeing, so I make a point of addressing them by name with “-san.” The frequency of our meetings doesn’t matter.
That’s just my personal view, of course, and I’m sure others think differently. Since you feel there are other ways you’re being looked down on, I don’t think you’re simply assuming you’re being taken lightly just because they don’t use “-san.” But I don’t think addressing someone without an honorific necessarily means they’re looking down on you.
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