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Recently, I matched with an 18-year-old Type A woman, and our dates have been going well. On our fourth date, we agreed that we would move on to an “adult relationship (intimate)” next time. However, she told me that kissing was off-limits. When I asked why, she said it wasn’t because of any dissatisfaction with me, but because of past trauma.
If this were simply a transactional relationship, I would avoid getting too deeply involved and look for someone else. However, I’m very fond of her, and if possible, I would like to help ease her trauma, even if only a little (or help her work through it).
I’ve been looking into things I can do myself, such as psychological approaches and ways of communicating, but I would appreciate advice from anyone with experience supporting a partner through past trauma—whether physical or psychological rejection—and ultimately helping improve the situation and the relationship. Thank you in advance.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂60s👑Universe male member
After reading Mac’s answer, I realized where the discomfort I felt when reading the question came from.
He’s way too eager to kiss her.
She clearly doesn’t like it, so he should simply back off.
It’s only their fourth date, and they haven’t had sex yet, so I don’t think they’ve even established a transactional relationship.
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So, basically, the asker really, really wants to kiss an 18-year-old, right?
The fact that they’re so fixated on kissing suggests it’s less about sexual desire and more about a lack of affection. Rather than focusing on the 18-year-old, maybe the asker should confront their own past, going back to childhood, and reflect on why they want to kiss them so badly.
If it were me, and I was told kissing was off-limits, I’d simply say, “Oh, okay,” and not kiss them. I wouldn’t pry any deeper. You can still enjoy sex plenty without kissing.
I’m not trying to be mean—it’s just that, when it comes to the darkness of trauma, wanting to kiss someone is deeper than refusing to kiss them.
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Rather than past trauma, it may simply be that she doesn’t want to kiss anyone she doesn’t like.
But since she can’t exactly say that, she seems to be framing it as trauma—though in a sense, that may not be entirely wrong.
If you look at it that way, it might be best to let go of the desire to ease her trauma and instead let her do things at her own pace.
And if she comes to like you, I think those boundaries will eventually disappear.
So rather than focusing on how to ease her trauma, perhaps you should approach this with the mindset of:
“How can I make her fall for me?”
Your competition is handsome men around the same age as her.
How can you compete with them?
If you can’t win on looks, what can you do?
I think you already know the answer without me having to say it.
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Since this isn’t sex work, women don’t have to do anything they don’t want to do. That’s what it means to fulfill a woman’s wishes. There are plenty of ways to make her wishes—or perhaps her “selfish requests”—come true, not just through an allowance, but also with intimacy, food, and places to go.
Some men genuinely want to fulfill those wishes, while others seek their own satisfaction. It really depends on the person.
Kissing is cute, isn’t it…?
Even in relationships or marriages, some people may dislike kissing, oral sex, or other forms of intimacy. That’s even more true at a club.
The reason kissing is cute is that you can’t go down on or perform oral sex for a woman who dislikes it. But even a woman who initially refuses to kiss may naturally start kissing once she gets aroused, even passionately intertwining tongues.
Work toward making that happen.
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Only Eiichi (Yukichi) can help you get over that trauma.
Just say, “I’ll add 1 if kissing is okay, and 2 more for deep kissing,” and they’ll kiss you without a second thought.
Add 2 and go wild with those Magikarp kisses.
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