Is it more common for the woman to say, “I’d like about this much,” or for the man to make an offer when it comes to the allowance?

I usually ask what the woman is hoping for, but depending on how the conversation goes, she may ask me first, “How much allowance were you thinking?” or something similar. There are also times when I ask what she wants and she turns the question back on me. I don’t think there’s really such a thing as a standard rate for allowance. It’s perfectly common for Woman A to have a pay-per-meeting arrangement of 50,000 yen with papa B and 150,000 yen with papa C. It’s also perfectly common for her to decide she doesn’t like papa C and stop seeing him. Of course, she may also stop seeing papa B because the allowance is too low. If you really can’t decide for yourself, you could simply reply, “I’m not sure, so please tell me what you had in mind,” and then decide whether you’re satisfied with the allowance the man offers. Whether his offer is low for you or not will naturally become clear after meeting a few different men.

Tomorrow I’m meeting a woman who wants 50,000 yen for dinner and 200,000 yen for an adult relationship (intimate) separately. So if we have sex tomorrow, it’ll be 250,000 yen in total. I’ve offered 200,000 yen on a pay-per-meeting basis before, but this is the first time a woman has asked me for 250,000 yen. I’m going to see what it’s like. The fact that she’s been active at this amount means there must have been other male members besides me who were willing to pay it. So I think the person asking the question shouldn’t give up hope—there’s nothing wrong with making a confident offer. Update: Last night, I had my first “paper airplane” experience through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). The hot water in my room wasn’t working, but she said she wanted to see the room, so she came over from the restaurant and we chatted. Then she asked me to give her a massage, so I did. As we started getting affectionate, things ended up happening before we had even agreed on the allowance. When she was leaving, I asked how much she wanted and gave her the amount she requested, then we went our separate ways. So that’s what a “paper airplane” is like. I genuinely had a great time. We had already gotten pretty close through our LINE dates, and it really did feel more like a normal romantic relationship—it was great. That said, it only became a “paper airplane” because several coincidences lined up: she wanted to come to my room, and she was the one who initiated things. I feel like this will probably be a one-time thing. People who do this every time are amazing.

There’s no standard amount at Universe that applies across the board. As you said, “Even after researching the going rate, there’s still a wide range.” The same is true at Universe. Some women receive over ¥100,000, while others receive ¥50,000 or less. Ultimately, it depends on how popular you are. If you can’t decide on an amount, you could also say, “I’ll leave it up to you—please decide what I’m worth.” There’s a chance the allowance will be extremely low, but you’ll naturally get a glimpse of what the man is really like. That means you can avoid seeing him again and spare yourself the emotional stress. One approach is to continue seeing only men who offer an allowance you can accept to some extent. However, if you can’t stand having the first meeting be low-paying—or if that would be more emotionally draining—you should tell him the amount you would be willing to accept from this particular man. For example, if he’s rude and arrogant toward restaurant staff and you generally don’t want anything to do with someone like that, but you feel a little sorry for him, you might decide that ¥200,000 would make it worthwhile. In that case, you could tell him that you’re hoping for ¥200,000. On the other hand, if he’s gentlemanly and kind, and still has a fairly handsome face—basically, if you have a good impression of him—you might say that you’re hoping for ¥50,000. You can also ask, “How much were you thinking for the allowance?” and let him name an amount first. Then you can decide whether, for this man, that amount seems acceptable. The one thing you should never do is use an options-based system—like charging extra for using toys or extra for kissing. It makes you seem like a professional, which can be a turnoff for men. So rather than saying outright, “I want this allowance with all options included,” it’s better to decide on an amount and simply state that amount as your希望. And it’s also important to clearly refuse anything you’re not willing to do.

Isn’t around ¥50,000 per meeting about the median? Mr. Loser, did you enjoy your ¥250,000 arrangement? Was she a total starfish?

The right price is whatever amount makes you think, “For that much, I guess it’s worth being intimate with this man.” If you’re not particularly opposed to intimacy and feel like you’d be okay even without the money, then if they ask on Uni, just say ¥50,000 to start with. If a man invites you to a hotel without discussing the allowance first, you shouldn’t go with him in the first place (except for Paper Airplane). Apparently, quite a few girls struggle with this—they worry about ruining the mood and end up going without negotiating. But do your best to stand your ground. Unrelated, but a Minato-ku girl I met yesterday who only goes out for appearance fees told me that some cabaret clubs in Kitashinchi have ¥100-million champagne towers. There really are some incredible worlds out there.

Since your question is only about the allowance, it doesn’t sound like you have many doubts or concerns about continuing, so I think it would be best to decide based on your own standards. People place different levels of importance on things like the nature of the relationship, emotional compatibility, and the allowance amount. In your case, clearly stating the amount you’re hoping for should help minimize any gap between you and the other person. Personally, I never ask women I’d like to continue seeing about their desired allowance (I only ask when it’s a one-time meeting or when I don’t think we’ll continue), and > Whether we’re together for two hours or ten, the allowance is the same. I don’t think a relationship will continue if both people feel that the time they spend together is simply time they’re being held up. Also, unless the woman can be honest about what she wants to do and where she wants to go—and actually enjoy herself—there’s less benefit for her in meeting up. Men and women often think and feel very differently, so the chances of finding a good match may be quite low. How you view the allowance probably depends on what you want to prioritize in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Edit: Makeotoko, are you finally going to do the “paper airplane” thing? LOL That massage seems to have revealed such strong compatibility that it would be hard to give up on the possibility of further progress… But for Makeotoko, who didn’t want that in the first place, it sounds like something unnecessary—or perhaps even a burden. There are different types of compatibility between men and women, including how well their personalities and preferences fit together. Things like whether the woman feels comfortable bringing something up, whether she can ask again after being turned down, and whether she can easily invite him out all depend on the subtle dynamics between the two people. This week, I spent about four hours on a date with one of my favorite girls. It seemed she had been thinking about going to a hotel, but between work calls and other errands taking longer than expected, plus traffic, we ended up with less than two hours before the next appointment. We talked about whether to go to a hotel or not. I had been prepared to give her the adult allowance, so I left the decision up to her. I thought we were probably going to the hotel, but she suggested getting a drink instead since there wasn’t much time left. Some men would be happy with that choice—having dinner because there wasn’t enough time for a hotel and the adult allowance—while others would feel differently. There are also girls I like who say that if we have a little over an hour free, we should go to a hotel. Everyone feels differently, so when those subtle preferences happen to align, meeting becomes even more enjoyable. To build up those kinds of happy moments, some people don’t want to decide on things like the allowance—as if they were signing a contract—before they really know each other. I think there are men and women who feel more at ease with a relationship that retains a natural element like that.

I always wonder: why is the allowance the only thing people talk about? Whether you’re spending two hours or ten hours together, do you really think the allowance should be the same? And would you offer the same allowance when you click with someone and the relationship feels like spending time with a friend, versus when the chemistry isn’t great and it feels more like work? I like going on dates to various places, so the time commitment tends to be longer. Normally, it’s around four to five hours, but if we go somewhere a little farther away, it can be eight to ten hours. Also, I’m not particularly interested in meals, so I’d rather have something light and buy my companion a souvenir. That’s why I propose an allowance based on the date itself, asking, “Would this allowance work for that kind of date?”

In my case, I don’t change the allowance depending on the woman. At the first meeting, I explain my terms, and if she agrees, we move forward with the arrangement. Of course, it’s perfectly possible for her to decline if the amount doesn’t meet her expectations. On Patro, some women list their desired amount, so if it’s more than I’m willing to pay, I don’t message them. Sometimes a woman will state her desired amount or ask me about mine during the messaging stage. If we can’t agree, it simply doesn’t lead to an offer. To answer your question, I’d suggest deciding on an amount you’re comfortable with and telling her when asked. If her requested amount is within your range, proceed; if not, politely decline. Keeping it simple may be the best approach. Hope this helps.

Basically, I listen to what the woman wants and go along with it. When someone tells me her desired amount, I take that as her stating the minimum allowance she would accept for an adult relationship (intimate) with me, so I feel it’s only reasonable to respect that. Of course, if we meet and I feel she isn’t worth that amount, I won’t see her again. If she doesn’t tell me what she wants, I’ll suggest an amount based on my own impression of her. If she’s fine with it, we move forward—but ultimately, whether there’s a second meeting depends on the same thing.

Even with bags, a designer bag from an ultra-luxury brand and a 100-yen-store bag serve the same basic function: carrying things. But once factors like perceived value, supply and demand, design, and branding come into play, it’s hard to say there’s one fixed price. The same probably goes for women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)—there’s a huge range. If you look online, you can get a general idea of the going rate. Then the questioner should calmly decide where she fits and set her terms accordingly. If they’re too high, she won’t get any offers; if they’re too low, offers will pour in. It probably won’t be that extreme, but she can make adjustments as she goes. As the woman in this situation, she should decide in advance the minimum amount she’ll accept and turn down anyone below it. She can then listen to the amount the man offers and accept if it works for her. If not, she can ask whether he can meet her preferred amount, and decline if he can’t. That’s probably about it. Allowance also varies from woman to woman. Some celebrities or idols may be worth a 10, while others can’t get accepted by a dating club and do it through X or dating apps for around a 2. Since everyone’s market value is different, I think that’s perfectly fine.