Sex with a man in his 80s

ICI injections are a good option. Here’s a copy-paste from an AI: ICI injections (intracavernosal injections) are an ED treatment available to adult men aged 20 and over, with no upper age limit. They can be used safely even by older men, and are used by people ranging from their 20s to their 80s. They can also be effective for men who haven’t responded to Viagra or similar medications. I don’t want to become the kind of 80-year-old who ends up that way, so my strategy is to do everything I can while I’m still healthy and burn through my worldly desires. I think there are two kinds of sexual desire: physical and psychological. Physical desire declines with age, but I feel psychological desire can linger as unresolved frustration until the day you die unless you burn it all out. I’m in my late 60s now, and thankfully I’ve burned through quite a lot of it and managed to let go. I wouldn’t want someone to say, “If you can’t get it up, I’ll just sleep beside you.” Don’t get the wrong idea. As a man, I needed you as a woman. I’ll deal with the aftermath myself once I’m no longer a man. I hope to become an 80-year-old who can say that. Update > Prostate enlargement medication and ED medication are the same thing, so what the questioner’s grandfather said makes no sense. I think that man started taking medication for an enlarged prostate and, as a side effect, experienced a weak erection for the first time in about ten years. You hear stories like that fairly often. Maybe he found it difficult to tell the questioner and tried to cover it up. Or perhaps saying, “I have an enlarged prostate, so I can’t take medications of that kind,” wasn’t a lie meaning, “I’m already taking them, so I can’t take anything more.” It may simply have meant that he couldn’t take them. Sorry to shatter the questioner’s hopes, but that’s why I think ICI injections are the only real option. I once asked Kazu about it and tried an ICI injection myself, and when you get an erection, sexual desire starts to arise. Normally, men become aroused first and then get an erection, right? Experiencing it in reverse was interesting. So my theory is that the 80-year-old man got an erection as a side effect of his medication, then became sexually aroused, and the questioner happened to be nearby. Sorry if I’m wrong. Lesson learned: Men should start taking prostate medication (PDE5 inhibitors) sooner rather than later. You won’t lose your erection halfway through, and you won’t end up embarrassing yourself late in life. I once heard a female gynecologist say, “Every woman should start taking low-dose birth control pills when she gets her period.” Maybe every man should start taking Zalutia once he turns 50. Seriously. > I was the one who actively pursued him. > He had suffered a serious illness in the past. In that case, you should stop. That’s elder abuse, whether you realize it or not. Women are highly sensitive to child abuse, but the underlying structure is the same. If he hasn’t ejaculated even by himself for ten years, his testicles have probably atrophied, so no amount of trying to stimulate him is going to make his body produce more male hormones. In the end, you’ll only get his hopes up and then disappoint him with, “I guess it really isn’t possible.” It’s like telling a postmenopausal woman, “Have my child.” You’re thoughtlessly hurting an older man’s pride. He still looks like a man, but to put it another way, he’s like an old sports car that looks good on the outside but has a completely worn-out engine. There’s nothing wrong with dating him, but please treat him with consideration. If that beat-up sports car hadn’t met the questioner, he might still have been able to hold on to the hope that “maybe I could run again if I really wanted to.” But you took that hope away. His insistence on going all the way is probably his last struggle. That’s why I call it elder abuse. Sorry for being so harsh. By the way, doesn’t he engage in foreplay? If he’s the type who enjoys pleasing a woman, he might regain his confidence and feel satisfied simply by watching you climax with his hands.

This doesn’t directly answer your question, but I was deeply touched by how devoted and considerate you are toward your partner. If it were me, that kind heart alone would be more than enough, even if we couldn’t be intimate. I hope your relationship continues to go well.

That’s kind of you. I think getting it up is the man’s responsibility. The incorrect part is that medication for an enlarged prostate and ED medication are almost the same. Cialis can be prescribed as a treatment for an enlarged prostate, so if the diagnosis is correct, getting Cialis would address both issues... However, if you have a heart condition, ED medication is a no-go.

Yurama, thank you for your question. > I want to do as much as I can for him. Normally, I think that should be more than enough. If you did everything you could and it still didn’t work out, I’m sure he understands that. I also think he knows that the issue is his own, so as long as you continue to value those feelings, I don’t think there should be a problem going forward. > He has an enlarged prostate and apparently can’t take medication. I looked it up, and tadalafil—the same active ingredient found in some ED medications, sold under brand names such as Zalutia—can be effective for treating both benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) and ED. By improving blood flow to the prostate and relaxing the muscles, it can help with both urinary symptoms such as frequent urination and difficulty urinating, as well as ED. Zalutia is covered by public health insurance for the treatment of BPH in Japan. It’s attracting attention as a “two birds with one stone” treatment that improves BPH symptoms while preserving male function. So perhaps it would be a good idea for him to ask a doctor to prescribe Zalutia. That said, the real issue may simply be that he doesn’t want to take medication—not that he can’t take it. He might be willing to take it if it’s prescribed by a doctor, though, so it may be difficult to figure out how to bring it up. Incidentally, it apparently contains the same active ingredient as the ED medication Cialis—10 mg or 20 mg of tadalafil—but I feel it might be better to recommend Zalutia specifically because it isn’t marketed as an ED medication. However, Zalutia seems to be taken in 5 mg doses—perhaps because it’s taken every day?—so I feel its effect on erections is probably much weaker than Cialis. Even looking at it simply, it seems like it would only have a quarter of the effect of a 20 mg tablet. If he’s still resistant to taking an ED medication, it might be better to say something like: “Cialis is an ED medication, but apparently it contains the same active ingredient as medication used to treat an enlarged prostate.” In any case, both require a doctor’s prescription in Japan, so he could discuss it with the doctor and there shouldn’t be a problem. > So there’s now a feature that lets people respond to the person who posted the question. Nice. Actually, it had been there from the beginning, but it wasn’t working because of a bug. I noticed recently that it wasn’t functioning and fixed it. Some people may have registered a password for replying after the site was redesigned, so I apologize to them.

Medications for an enlarged prostate and ED medications are the same, so what the questioner’s grandfather says doesn’t make sense. If anything, he should take Cialis. Search for it on Osaka-Do and buy it for him to take. Cialis generics and Zalutia contain the same active ingredient. So the site now has a reply function for questioners—nice.

>What can I do to make penetration possible? If he’s still able to ejaculate, how firm is he before and after ejaculation? Is he still relatively soft even afterward? One approach would be to stimulate him orally until he’s fully hard, then try penetration just before he reaches climax. Depending on the situation, he may ejaculate before penetration or lose his erection at the moment he tries to enter. The firmness closest to what’s needed for penetration is probably the firmness immediately after ejaculation. If he’s already quite soft right before climax, penetration will be very difficult. If your partner is 80, he must already be grateful simply to have made it this far in life—and thrilled to have met you. I’m sure he’s also deeply moved that the two of you can share this kind of stimulation and excitement while thinking together about what to do. In that sense, he may already feel completely fulfilled and incredibly happy. So the time you’re able to spend together is probably filled with more happiness than anything else. For your partner, penetration itself may not be the most important thing. Spending time with someone he feels this way about must be a truly blissful experience. More than penetration, he probably wants to satisfy you, feel a sense of oneness by becoming intimate with you, and give you the feeling of fulfillment that comes from him climaxing with you—“he came inside me.” That may be what he’s hoping for. I think his main wish is to feel connected with you and convey what he’s feeling. Rather than focusing too much on penetration, it may be better to explore what feels good for both of you and enjoy discovering a deeper connection. You could try giving each other massages, taking trips together, playing games, and sharing plenty of fun experiences. **Update** If you’ve never done papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), then perhaps this isn’t really papa-katsu? What worked exceptionally well for breaking up the monotony between a couple was this: Spend two or three hours cuddled up together in bed. During that time, the man watches adult videos for an hour or two, while the woman listens to music or does something she enjoys and gently holds and continues touching his private area affectionately without letting go. It’s even better if the man chooses and rents two or three videos he likes. He’ll produce plenty of pre-ejaculate and remain highly aroused while being touched, keeping him ready for intimacy or ejaculation at any time. If you have a high level of intimacy and affection, I think it’s worth trying.