What do you think about my live-in boyfriend who absolutely refuses to let me into his home?
This content is machine-translated.
I’ve been dating my very affectionate boyfriend for a month. He’ll spend an hour on the train just to come see me, chat and kiss at the station, then head home, and he introduces me to all kinds of friends and posts me on Instagram, so I can feel that he cares about me—but even though he lives alone, he absolutely refuses to let me into his place. When I suggest staying over at a hotel, he brushes it off by saying that his place is messy and so on. I live with my parents, and he says he wants to greet them someday and have hot pot together at my place, but why is he so adamantly refusing to let me into his home?
Should I ask him for his address? If he refuses, would that be suspicious? For context, he knows where I live, but I’ve never invited him inside. If I let him in once, he might end up staying, so would it be better not to invite him in? I’d appreciate hearing everyone’s thoughts, including men and women with more experience.
I’m Fuu, a column writer.
This is just speculation, but maybe he’s:
- Married or has a live-in girlfriend
- Unable to keep things tidy, with a hoarder-like home
- Extremely germ-conscious—the type who asks you to wash your feet before coming inside
- Into unusual hobbies, like collecting lots of figures
Why not come up with a few hypotheses based on what seems likely, then ask questions one by one to confirm them?
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Dai, a male member.
It’s probably because there are things he doesn’t want you to see, like his adult videos.
Coming all the way by train for an hour just to meet up, chat at the station, kiss, and then head home—sounds like you two are really in love. It reminds me of my college days.
I don’t think there’s anything suspicious going on.
That said, if I married him, I’d probably still want my own room. No matter how much I loved someone, I wouldn’t want them invading my private space too much.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Taro, a male member.
Speaking poetically, that man sounds exciting. There must be some darkness there. If the place is merely messy, he could just clean it up. Tell him, “I’ll help you clean it,” because he’ll probably refuse.
My guess is that his home has become a secret adult hideout. There’s probably something he doesn’t want other people to see—maybe he’s an idol otaku or a military enthusiast. Or perhaps he has several sex dolls lying around. He might even have a private-account-type girlfriend (or boyfriend) who lets him get away with anything he does on his public Instagram account. There are all kinds of possibilities.
If you take your time and dig deeper, you’ll find out. Plenty of people can lie, but very few can keep a lie going. Generally speaking, I think men are worse at it than women. And if you get a handle on that, you can easily gain the upper hand. When you look at it that way, isn’t this more exciting than irritating?
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Aya, one of the female members.
It depends on where you met him. If it was through a dating app, it does seem suspicious, but if he’s a classmate from university, probably not. A lot of guys try to save on hotel costs by inviting you to their place, so it’s perfectly natural to wonder if there’s some reason he can’t have you over.
But if he’s willing to post you on Instagram, you’re probably his girlfriend… It’s also possible that his room is just incredibly messy.
For now, unless you’ve been to your boyfriend’s place, I’d avoid inviting him into your room too.
Younger guys often don’t care much about using other people’s face wash, clothes, toner, shampoo, and so on, so seriously, they may end up staying indefinitely.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Kazu, a male member.
Thinking that introducing someone to friends or posting them on Instagram is a measure of love is quite a youthful perspective.
Maybe his place is just messy. Or perhaps he’s someone who doesn’t like letting others into his personal territory. I’m that type myself.
If he lives with his parents, then it isn’t really your home—it’s your parents’ home. That aside, since you haven’t let him into your family home either, I think it’s only fair. Neither of you has done anything different.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Maezawa from the CEO’s office here, and I’ll answer as well.
There could be various reasons, so I can’t say why he won’t let you into his home.
But since he says, “Someday, I’d like to greet your parents and have hot pot together at your place, ○○-chan,” why not have him come and greet them as soon as possible?
If he refuses, it suggests he still hasn’t sorted out his feelings, so I can understand why he won’t let you into his home.
If you simply tell your parents that you’re bringing your boyfriend over, I don’t think the conversation has to go any further than that. I can understand his feelings too.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
That’s the kind of thing where, if you asked Conan, he’d say, “It’s black.” Enough circumstantial evidence to get you arrested.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
