I never had a biological father I could lean on, and perhaps because of that, I’ve spent most of my life having affairs and cheating.
Now I have a husband I truly care about, yet I’m still doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) to fill the loneliness.
But I’m getting more and more emotionally unwell, so I’m thinking about seeking counseling to stop cheating.
If anyone has overcome their tendency to cheat through counseling, or has gone to counseling for the same reason, I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences or any other thoughts.
I’m Shingo Lee, a column writer.
Why not try individual counseling for yourself, as well as couples counseling with your husband?
There is counseling for couples, too, and I’ve heard of cases where a husband’s cheating came to light and that prompted him to stop.
Personally, I also think it’s important not to suppress your desire to cheat, but to face it honestly. It may sound a bit like a riddle, but perhaps you could look for a way to satisfy that desire without actually cheating.
If sex is important to you, you might consider having a serious conversation with your husband about it. There are even couples who go to swingers’ clubs together.
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I’m Saito, a columnist ♪
Counseling may help you feel better, but can it actually cure you…?
There are people around me who see psychiatrists or attend counseling, but many of them seem to be getting worse and worse—their symptoms appear to be intensifying…
If anyone here works in psychiatry, I’d really appreciate your input. I’d also like to hear about what it’s actually like in the field.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I find it hard to believe that not having a biological father is what led her to have affairs and cheat.
As long as you keep blaming something else, counseling won’t help you change. First, face the issue honestly as your own.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
When I analyze my own papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I realize it’s because I feel unfulfilled. From that perspective, I think you’re probably not being fulfilled by your husband.
It’s a difficult situation, but I think you should handle it carefully and discreetly, without causing trouble for those around you.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
You may often feel that something is the reason behind what’s happening.
And perhaps it’s understandable to use that as an excuse.
At the same time, though, there may be things you have now precisely because of it—things you can be grateful for.
I think it’s about time to stop blaming everything on “because of that” and making excuses.
There’s nothing wrong with learning to appreciate what you’ve gained and the benefits you’re enjoying now because of it.
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I don’t think it’s because you didn’t have a father.
As for cheating or having an affair, perhaps the reason your husband isn’t enough to fulfill you lies within you.
It might be worth trying counseling to understand that part of yourself first.
Akari
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Even if you go through counseling and gain a better understanding of your own situation, I don’t think it will satisfy the thirst you’re feeling.
Wanting more than your spouse alone can provide doesn’t necessarily mean you have a cheating habit, and I don’t think it’s something counseling can cure by itself. If counseling were to help, it would likely be because you and your spouse attended together, and your spouse came to understand what you’re looking for and was able to provide it.
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