Sorry if this question has already been asked.

I’m Aya, a female member. That man may be a stingy romantic. If it wasn’t something you asked for, then all the more reason to think it would be normal for him to give it to you separately from your allowance. Why not sell the gift and turn it into cash? That is, as long as he can’t tell you haven’t used it… I think you need to be savvy to make it as a papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) woman.

I’m Flagmaker, a columnist. That’s actually a really good question. We men tend to start thinking, once we’ve been seeing someone for a while, that it’s “not just about the money” or that “she genuinely likes us as people.” I’m guilty of that too. But it made me realize again that this is still a relationship built around the allowance—one that falls apart the moment the allowance is no longer there.

I’m Maezawa from Shacho-shitsu, and I’ll answer this as well. Hmm? This sounds a little strange. You thought you were receiving a gift, but it was actually your allowance—just given in the form of an item rather than cash, right? You could look at it as having received your allowance in the form of a gift, without actually receiving a present. But realistically, I think most people would be happier with cash. You might want to say, sarcastically, “I thought it was a gift, but I guess this was my allowance. Thank you as always for the allowance.” However, if you’re thinking about continuing the relationship, I think it would be better not to say anything. And from now on, if he brings up giving you presents, it would probably be best to firmly say, “No, thank you. I don’t need anything.” > Does this man think that someone like me is being too money-minded? No matter what the circumstances are—even when the man is clearly in the wrong—people tend to criticize you for saying anything about what a man has done. So no, you’re not being money-minded at all. The man is 100% in the wrong for not giving you the agreed-upon allowance. That said, in the world of men and women, common sense doesn’t always apply. I think you should consider this a valuable lesson and use it going forward. Still, there’s no doubt that the man is the one acting strangely. There is a possibility that he simply forgot to give you your allowance, so you could try telling him only: “I think I forgot to receive my allowance the other day…” I mean, just mention that you may have forgotten to receive it, without asking for it next time. Even then, you might still be criticized. You can see how he reacts. There’s probably a 90% chance that the present was meant to replace your allowance, but I suppose there’s also a 10% chance that he simply forgot. From now on, I think you should confirm it on the spot by saying something like, “So, about today’s allowance…” In any case, I’m worried about what might happen going forward. For example, he might say there’s no allowance when you go on a trip together, or come up with various other excuses.

I’m Dai, a male member. I don’t think the person asking this question is being overly money-minded. That said, I feel bad for the man involved. If he had simply said, “I added an extra 10,000–20,000 yen to your usual allowance, so buy yourself something you like,” instead of trying to give her a present, he probably would have received a great review. I don’t want to get involved in situations like that, so I only give the allowance.

I’m Kazu, a male member. I don’t know if this is the norm, but I believe allowances and gifts are separate things. Even when I give a gift worth several times the allowance, I still give the allowance as well. I don’t think you should turn the allowance into an item without the other person’s consent. In the questioner’s case, I don’t think it sounds overly money-focused.

I’m a male member, “Paper Airplane.” As you wrote, your point is perfectly reasonable. Even if it’s something you want, unless the item costs considerably more—about 3.4 times the allowance (one “hand”)—I also think he should give you the allowance as well. However, when you say: > “I was disappointed.” the man may feel disappointed because thoughts like yours come across as overly focused on money. Since you’ve been seeing each other for a year, I think it would be better to be a little more honest with each other so that you can communicate more openly, say what you want to say, and share your happiness. If you can’t speak your mind, I don’t think your papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) relationship will feel truly refreshing or enjoyable. It isn’t necessarily unreasonable for him to feel that the gift was worth more than the allowance, so try talking things through in a way that avoids stress for both of you. At the very least, communicate so that the gifts you receive are things you genuinely want and can be happy about.