Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here, and I’ll answer this too.
> When he asked, “How late can you stay today?” and I said, “I heard the first meeting lasts four hours, so I’ve left that much time open,”
Since that means two hours plus two hours—four hours total—I think you should receive the ¥5,000–¥10,000 transportation fee, which Universe has established as a standard courtesy payment, once the meal is over.
If you haven’t received it by the end of the meal, the club tells us we must make sure to mention it to the man, so you can say something like, “I’m sorry, but the club told me I have to mention it if I haven’t received it yet.” The key is to accept it apologetically, as though you feel bad asking. It’s the club’s fault—I don’t really want to bring it up, but they’ll get mad if I don’t—something along those lines.
That gives you a natural stopping point. A meal usually takes about an hour, or around two hours at most for a full-course dinner.
At that point, he’ll probably suggest what to do next. If he suggests going to a hotel, two more hours or so would be typical. If he asks you to go out for drinks, you could say, “I have plans starting at [time] today—four hours after we met. Is that okay?”
He may then change his mind and suggest going to a hotel instead. Even if you do go for drinks, you should be able to wrap things up within the four-hour window.
Basically, I think it’s fine to say that you have plans four hours later, even if it isn’t true.
I can’t imagine a man getting angry because you have plans four hours later. That’s why you mention the four-hour limit in the first place.
He may ask what your plans are, so it’s a good idea to think of an answer in advance, such as, “My parents are coming over today.”
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Just imagining him saying, “From here on out, this is just between the two of us, so what’s the problem?” gave me goosebumps. ^^;
I’m a four-hour, one-and-done kind of guy, so I don’t go on long dates unless there’s a really good reason. But if the date starts early, it’s probably best to say in advance, “I have plans from 8 p.m., so I’ll need to leave.”
Otherwise, the other man may go ahead and make plans for a long date on his own. Some people really dislike having their plans disrupted, so it’s safer to mention it beforehand.
I’m Kazu, a male member.
I consider the transportation allowance for a first date to cover about two hours of dinner or drinks, so after that, I discuss the terms before paying the bill. If she isn’t receptive, I don’t drag things out for four hours or more.
You probably don’t want to date a man like that in the first place. And if you’re not confident you can handle someone like him and still make the arrangement work, I think it’s better to be upfront.
I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
Are you referring to me?
Sometimes a first meeting ends up lasting nearly the whole day…
It’s perfectly fine to say you’ll be leaving after four hours, or to tell them what time you need to head home.
I ask what time they want to leave and make sure they get home by then. Sometimes it’s a short meeting.
Those with papa-katsu experience tend to prefer shorter meetings.
P.S.
Wow, it’s already been five or six hours…
“Shall we grab dinner before we head home?”
“Yes, I’d love to!”
Then, if we move on to another place and take our time enjoying ourselves, even ten hours can fly by…
I’d rather be with someone who feels comfortable spending that much time together—someone I can relax around. (By comparison, those with a lot of papa-katsu experience tend to keep things very clear-cut: two or three intense hours, or around four hours at most… Having a clear beginning and end isn’t necessarily bad, but the “activity” vibe is in full force…)
