I received an allowance for each day and went abroad with him, but he got upset, saying that even though we had sex, there wasn’t enough affection.
I can’t leave because we’re overseas.
Even when I ask him to explain, he won’t tell me.
We did hug and kiss, but what does a man mean when he says there wasn’t enough affection?
If you look up something like “managing expectations consulting,” you’ll probably find ideas that can be applied to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) too.
I’ll be blunt: when men expect a trip in papa-katsu, they’re not expecting an ordinary vacation.
They’re expecting an “erotic trip.”
My guess is that there just wasn’t enough sexiness. Don’t take things like cuddling too literally. I mean eroticism—direct, memorable erotic experiences that stimulate the brain.
For reference, here are some of the sexy things men might expect on a trip. I feel like offering even one of these might put him in a better mood.
- Standing sex from behind with the city lights in the background at night
- Standing sex from behind in the bath
- A morning blowjob
- Passing wine mouth-to-mouth
- Kissing inside the elevator
- Recording sex
- And so on.
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You’re a pair who both ◯◯ed each other…
You gave her an allowance, got intimate—in other words, you really did ◯◯…
That’s a very papa-katsu kind of connection, isn’t it?
Unfortunately, that gap will never be bridged…
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Just as Mac and Make-Otoko said.
You’re getting roughly 10 × the number of days, right? At ¥4,000 an hour, you should just put up with it and do your best.
Not getting that much? Then he’s just a sulky, pathetic papa, so keep things smooth until you return home. Once you’re back, block him.
If you want her to be affectionate, show it through your actions, old man. Getting moody like that means you’re a complete failure as a human being.
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You’d be the one taking his hand or linking arms without caring who’s watching, or resting your head on his shoulder and refusing to move. In other words, like a female cat in heat.
You could also put it as reducing the physical distance between you to as close to zero as possible. Taking a bath together, or clinging to him while you sleep, for example. Though that might be difficult for someone who can’t fall asleep unless they’re alone.
Let’s say you’re with your boyfriend, but he isn’t paying attention to you, so you start thinking, “I want to be more affectionate.” What would you want him to do?
Maybe you simply aren’t smiling at him or initiating conversation often or for long enough.
Personally, I think the man should be the one to close the distance, but saying that here doesn’t really help. It’s like a mental form of oral sex, in a way—the things that work differ from man to man—so watch his reactions and respond accordingly.
You could even say it’s like having mental sex around the clock.
If you’re going to act, maybe start by telling yourself, “I’m not human. I’m a female cat in heat.” Being able to play that kind of role might come in handy someday, so why not treat it as practice?
Apparently, in the military or on sports teams with a strict seniority system, if an upperclassman told someone to “be a cicada,” they had to cling to a utility pole and keep going “buzz, buzz” forever. This is pretty much the same thing. Once you throw away your pride and obey unconditionally, it’s surprisingly easy—and can even become kind of addictive.
Reading Flag-san’s answer made me wonder: I’d find it creepy if a man who couldn’t or wouldn’t do that kind of thing on a regular date suddenly let loose or completely changed just because you went on a trip. But do ordinary papas really expect something that unusual when traveling?
I’m normally affectionate and do unusual things on regular dates anyway, so going on a trip doesn’t change my mode at all.
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First of all, you did nothing wrong.
My guess is that your papa (a male supporter) is simply sulking because you didn’t ask him. You could leave him alone for a while, but it might be better to ask him again what he wants you to do and how you should handle things. If he still won’t tell you, cry—but if possible, just let the tears fall (from your left eye only), without making a sound. It works incredibly well! I’m serious!
From next time on, have him meet you at the destination and go your separate ways there when traveling abroad.
That’s what I always do.
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Unless you’re really close, it’s probably best not to go on a trip together. If you want to cuddle and be affectionate, you could just meet normally instead of going all the way on a trip. Sorry this isn’t much of an answer.
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LOL.
If you want to keep things going, then—as Flagmaker suggested—keep up the flirty, erotic banter.
The papa was probably filling his head with expectations and fantasies. He was spending a lot of money too, and maybe you hyped things up in your messages before going?
He does seem like a troublesome papa, so if you’re okay with ending things, just put up with it, get through the trip, come home, and break up with him before moving on to another papa.
Either way, good luck. Traveling together is pretty difficult.
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I have a feeling that I may also have made a woman uncomfortable, so my situation may not be exactly the same, but I’d like to answer from the man’s perspective.
In conclusion, I think it may simply come down to differences in values.
Unless the man explains his reasons and both sides make an effort to meet halfway, the gap will only grow wider. I would recommend ending things and looking for someone new.
In my case, in August, after dating a woman for a month—we had met four times—she told me that her birthday was in September and asked about a birthday present. My personal guideline was to give a gift worth the monthly allowance multiplied by the number of months we had been together. However, she asked for a gift worth 20 times her monthly allowance.
I was too embarrassed to tell her about my guideline, but, regrettably, I told her that it would be difficult to meet that request. She was very kind and said that there were other things she wanted, so something less expensive would be fine. However, I felt bad about having her compromise just to continue seeing me, so I tearfully told her to find someone whose expectations matched hers, and we parted ways.
Later, she contacted me to say that she had started seeing someone with assets of 15 billion yen who gave her a monthly allowance of 150,000 yen or more, so everything was fine. It was a good lesson in knowing my own limits.
I hope you, too, find someone whose values match yours. I’m sure you will. I hope some part of my experience is helpful.
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Posting from overseas is quite something too.
That’s tough. If he won’t tell you even when you ask, he sounds like a seriously complicated older guy.
For now, when you’re in the room, maybe just keep holding his hand while sitting on the sofa.
Well, since he’s taking you overseas, I suppose you’ll have to put up with some of it.
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I guess he means things like the girl taking his hand when they’re out, or initiating hugs and kisses indoors and getting all cuddly.
What a high-maintenance papa (a male supporter).
**Update after reading everyone’s answers:**
You want them to be affectionate, right? Since I can’t ask for that directly, I want the girl to make the first move.
So I’ve made new offers to three girls and will be having first meetings with them next week. I’m going to believe in a miracle.
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