I’ve been seeing a papa for about two months. Now I’m suddenly terrified that his affair might be discovered by his wife. I’m thinking of avoiding daytime dates from now on.
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He asked me for my phone number, saying he probably wouldn’t call but wanted it just in case, and for some reason that’s been bothering me too…
Am I overthinking this?
We already have plans to meet next time, so I’d appreciate any advice on what I can do or what I should be careful about from now on.
I know his workplace, the area where he lives, and his real name, though I’m not sure whether any of that will be necessary.
As Mac said, I think you should keep evidence showing that you didn’t know the other person had a wife—and that you still don’t know.
Having that evidence could help you a lot if anything happens.
However, if you’re really worried, I think you should end things with your current partner and tell future partners, before entering an adult relationship (intimate), that you’ll only date someone who is single. Then you should only see people who assure you that they’re unmarried.
The man might lie to you, but in that case, you genuinely didn’t know, so I don’t think you need to worry about being sued for damages.
Still, you do need evidence, so I think it’s best to keep it.
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You’re overthinking the phone number.
I think he just wants it because if something happens and LINE stops working—like your account getting hacked or a failed data transfer when changing phones—you’d have no way to contact each other at all.
The less tech-savvy the older guy is, the more anxious he gets, lol.
Think of it as something like two-factor authentication.
Well, I do agree that it’s probably better to stay away from affairs, but as Make-Otoko-san says, the idea that “a single papa is just some desperate, unpopular old guy” is extremely prejudiced.
Times are changing and people’s lifestyles are becoming more diverse, so I think we’re seeing more attractive older men who choose not to get married, even though they’re popular with women.
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How deeply can you really get involved with someone you’re seeing?
And is the person you’re seeing actually safe?
These are concerns for both parties, whether married or unmarried.
If you share too much information all at once, you also have to worry about various problems that could arise. So I think it’s best to watch how the other person behaves and gradually share more information while deciding how you want to proceed.
Ultimately, all you can do is make judgments based on reliable information and the other person’s words and actions.
For example, they may tell you their workplace or real name—but is that really true? If there’s some way to verify it, you should consider doing so.
The same goes for men: if the person has a social position where it would be a serious problem for an affair to be discovered by someone other than his wife, he’ll probably be very cautious about how he conducts the relationship.
Let’s consider all these factors before making a decision.
Personally, I think sharing your phone number should be fine, though.（笑）
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There are pros and cons.
A married papa (a male supporter) is more likely to keep things transactional, so he probably won’t cross your boundaries.
An unmarried papa may try to pursue a romantic relationship, cross the line, and become persistent.
Meeting during the day might be better, since he can say he’s meeting you while he’s at work.
You should talk to your papa about anything that concerns you and confirm where he stands. If he won’t take precautions or has no sense of risk management, it’s best to end things.
Talk to him and feel out the situation. In some cases, like with me, both people are married and simply enjoying themselves in a mutual affair-like arrangement, so everything may be fine...
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As Mac has commented both this time and before, I think it’s better to keep some kind of record of things like that.
In my case, once we’ve been seeing each other for a while, I tell her that if, in the unlikely event, she ends up being sued for compensation, I’ll cover it on her behalf. Some women may feel that this is just a verbal promise and therefore means nothing, but I don’t enter into these relationships casually, so I make a point of telling them anyway.
Even if you’re unmarried and there’s no risk of being sued for compensation, there may be other risks. I think you should take some time to sort out how you personally feel about those aspects.
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Single papa (a male supporter) =
a creepy, unpopular old guy
Married papa (a male supporter) = someone who could just barely pass as a man
Which papa (a male supporter) you choose is up to you.
Just keep in mind that if you refuse married men, the number of offers you receive could drop by more than half before deciding whether to cut off your current papa (a male supporter) or continue.
A wife’s determination can be frightening. And it’s only natural to be scared. Even if you’ve only given him a fake name, she may still be able to track you down. If she hires a private investigator to follow you, it’s game over.
To avoid problems later, I include all the important details in my profile. If they haven’t read it beforehand, I explain everything while showing them the profile in person.
papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is basically a matter of agreeing to terms. Just as transportation costs and the allowance are given in advance, it’s meant to be enjoyed within the agreed terms and rules. Trying to go beyond those boundaries is what leads to trouble.
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