I’m the woman who asked the earlier question about a monthly arrangement.

I don’t see what’s wrong with wanting to meet someone affordably and get the most out of your budget. That’s just the difference between what people really think and what they say publicly. Besides, you’ve never actually told a papa, “You don’t need to give me this much allowance,” have you? You write as though you understand how women like that feel, but you probably don’t understand them at all. It would be enough if you simply thought, “So there really are women who think that way. I’m not like that, though…” I’m only sharing my experience as someone answering questions. If that gets dismissed with, “That could never happen,” then there’s no point in answering questions here, is there?

I’m basically a cringe magnet for male members. I’m going to deliberately use the word “gain or loss,” but to me, a monthly arrangement is something that: “Only works when the papa is prepared to take a loss.” Among my monthly partners, my “ace”—the one I give the highest allowance to—gets 100,000 yen or more per month, but we only meet once or twice a month on average. There are even months when we don’t meet at all, and our adult relationship happens less than once a month. If you look at it in terms of gain and loss, it’s a massive loss. But that’s fine. In fact, that’s exactly why it’s good. I’m satisfied and can indulge in a little self-admiration over my strength as a man for making this situation possible. My need for self-actualization is being fulfilled big-time. To me, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is a place to train myself and become a better man. In other words, it isn’t the destination. As long as I was born a man, I believe striving for the top is what makes life beautiful. Annoying, right? lol But even if people find me annoying, I still want to keep earning more. I still want to give women more money. I don’t want to run away from money. All of my partners are women more than two decades younger than me. Making sure they enjoy our dates is a given. The idea that “I made her happy, so an allowance of 50,000 yen is enough” is completely out of the question for me. If they’re in trouble, I’ll listen to them, and if necessary, I’ll rush over to help them, even in the middle of the night or early in the morning. I believe that being a papa means doing absolutely everything you can, and then giving her a generous allowance on top of that. Being a man is all about looking cool in front of women, isn’t it? There’s a giant thesis in modern philosophy called the “fusion of horizons,” proposed by Gadamer, a philosophical giant. The horizon I see and the horizon the questioner sees may seem close, yet somehow also feel very far apart. I often use the word “going rate,” but in reality, the allowances I give range widely, from 100,000 to 1,000,000 yen. On the other hand, the people who constantly say, “There’s no going rate,” tend to have fixed amounts like 50,000 or 40,000 yen. In other words, they’ve set their own going rate for sex. Though perhaps this is just a matter of how we use the words. The horizon seen by the other anonymous Q&A respondents, myself, and the questioner are all different. It would be nice if those horizons could fuse, even just a little, but instead they seem to be drifting further and further apart. In philosophy, this is called relativism. In the everyday language we’re more familiar with, I suppose it’s something like “The One and Only Flower in the World.” Once everything has been relativized, the world becomes fragmented. But eventually, everyone starts thinking, “This can’t be right. It’s lonely,” and people begin sharing values and coming together again. That is religion: reuniting—“re” and “ligion.” Sorry for pretending to be clever despite only graduating from middle school m(_ _)m I hope the questioner meets a papa who sees the same horizon as they do.

Since my name came up in your previous question, I took a moment to reflect on my own situation—and I do feel that, as you said, I make an effort that’s worthy of my monthly allowance. Things probably wouldn’t work out with a man whose priority is simply meeting as cheaply as possible within his budget. I also want to value the few papas I have, so when things develop into a serious relationship, it naturally becomes a monthly arrangement. That said, this kind of arrangement may be pretty uncommon. Sorry if this doesn’t really answer your question, but honestly, if there are men who treat a monthly arrangement like an “all-you-can-use subscription,” I hope they eventually get weeded out.

I hate having to talk about allowance. I’d rather be in a relationship where we don’t discuss or focus on allowance. Even if I had a long-term girlfriend or a younger girlfriend, I wouldn’t necessarily give her an allowance, so I can’t treat a club woman that differently just because she’s from a dating club. In the first place, money shouldn’t be necessary in a relationship between a man and a woman. But even in that kind of relationship, I believe a man should continuously express and show his gratitude to the woman—not only through money, but through things that are worth more than money.

I’m Taro, a male member. This is way too long. I even looked up and read the previous one, but it was pretty shallow too. In the end, it’s all about money, isn’t it? lol “What does a better relationship mean?” Seriously? People on the sidelines who’ve never even met them are just nitpicking their words and acting smug while the two of them are having a good time. A “better relationship” means that both people enjoy themselves, feel comfortable together, and feel fulfilled when they meet, doesn’t it? The only difference is whether what fulfills them is their wallet or their heart. When you view everything through the lens of money, you lose sight of what really matters.

It feels like we could avoid misunderstandings if we simply talked normally instead of through the Q&A box. I’ve experienced both affairs without an allowance and a monthly arrangement with a papa in the past, and now I only have pay-per-meeting arrangements through a dating club. I prefer pay-per-meeting because it gives me less to worry about, and my monthly arrangement was more controlling, so I feel much more at ease now. Basically, I think my views are pretty close to yours. I hope we can both continue having good arrangements. Marika

I don’t know what to tell you. I give the person I’m currently seeing at least ¥200,000 a month, one way or another. Why can’t every arrangement just be different? And with the person on a ¥30,000 monthly arrangement, she had a problem the night before and asked me for help, so I gave her ¥400,000 without asking for anything in return. I drove out in the middle of the night and gave her the money without having sex or doing anything else! I don’t like saying this, but you clearly won’t understand unless I spell it out. I’m a man who repays what he owes. I properly repay what I owe from lucky relationships. I spend hours listening to them and rush over when they’re in trouble. Help isn’t just about money. You can help someone through your actions too. What I’m trying to say is: don’t just take the words you’re given at face value. Think about the circumstances behind them. It’s hard enough just dealing with all these pointless questions coming at me one after another!