I have absolutely no interest in men. Of course, I’m not interested in my papas’ personal lives either. But pretending to take an interest in someone during a conversation leaves a good impression—they feel that I’m interested in them, and it also keeps the conversation flowing—so I make a point of asking my papas about themselves. As a result, even though I’m not genuinely interested, I gradually learn more and more about them. I mean, I’m being paid, so of course I put on my best smile and keep the conversation lively. That’s why my papas tell me things like, “You’re quick-witted and easy to talk to, so you seem like you could get along with anyone.”
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In my personal life, I really have no interest in men at all. I see them as little more than an outlet for sexual desire, so a friends-with-benefits arrangement is easier for me. Dates and phone calls are a hassle. When I think, “I have to do this for free?” I just can’t bring myself to make the effort. Even at university, I never look at men and completely ignore them, so people tell me, “You don’t seem interested in guys your age.”
Maybe I’m just not suited for romance. I’m worried about the future. How can I become interested in men? I don’t really meet anyone naturally, so I often use dating apps and go on dates. But even if I meet someone once and enjoy the date, replying to their LINE messages feels like too much effort, so I end up blocking them.
I usually don’t reply to my papas until about three days later either. Even so, around five papas are always fond of me and treat me well, so maybe that timing works for them too.
Talking to men is genuinely such a hassle.
How can I become interested in men?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Despite being a bundle of worldly desires, I went to a Zen temple. I sat in meditation and got struck repeatedly with the kyosaku. After that, I listened to a talk by the Zen master.
That’s when I learned that Zen apparently prioritizes the present over the future and focuses thoroughly on the here and now.
The Zen master would probably say that when you say you’re “worried about the future,” you’re merely replacing your current anxiety with the future.
I think disliking men would be accepted in Zen Buddhism. I’m jealous of you, Joe—you can get hit with the kyosaku and still not lose even a millimeter of your worldly desires.
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I’m not interested either. I’m not interested in having a boyfriend, either. But I still enjoy every day.
I don’t think your lack of interest in people is the problem. The real issue is your habit of regularly blocking people and “resetting” your relationships.
There’s nothing wrong with starting over if you want to, but if doing so leaves you feeling empty or lonely, then you need to work on that underlying habit of resetting your relationships.
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It’s kind of enviable that you’re not interested in men. I’m the type who falls for people easily, so it’s a problem for me.
You’re not attracted to women, are you? What about taking care of it yourself? You don’t have to force yourself to get involved with men.
Also, I wouldn’t recommend dating sites—they can be dangerous. The cases you hear about on TV are probably just the tip of the iceberg, so please be careful.
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As long as you have money and good health, you don’t need anything else.
Marriage is a one-way ticket to misery. Friends with benefits are the best. Stay the course.
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It might help to clarify exactly what you’re worried about in the future if things stay as they are.
At least for now, there’s nothing you need to worry about. If your concern is that you won’t have anyone to be with in the future, you may meet a man who is looking for a woman in the same situation.
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These days, with greater awareness of LGBTQ+ identities, it’s not unusual for some women simply not to be interested in men.
The key question is whether you actually enjoy being intimate with men.
If you dislike it but feel you have no choice and are doing it only to earn money, it could start taking a toll on your mental health.
In that case, it may be better to consider ways of making money other than papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
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It’s simple: I think you should spend your time working toward becoming able to support yourself.
Time will give you the answer. You may become interested in men, or you may stay as you are. The worst thing would be to spend your days doing nothing instead of making an effort to earn money. Before you know it, all your papas (male supporters) might be gone, while you still aren’t able to earn money on your own—that would be the worst-case scenario.
Just focus on your work. You don’t need to worry about anything else. Whether you can develop an interest in men isn’t something you can solve by yourself, so saying there’s no point in thinking about it may be a bit harsh—but focus only on what you can control.
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Do you have to be interested in men?
If you’re doing things the way you want and it’s working out—that is, people generally like it and you’re making decent money—then isn’t that perfectly fine?
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