I’m happy when my boyfriend wants an adult relationship (intimate), but I’m gradually becoming emotionally distressed because I wonder if he only wants me for my body. I like intimacy, but when he asks every time we meet (once a week) or says over the phone that he wants to spend the night, I get excited and happy in the moment, but when I’m alone afterward, I start feeling depressed.
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Before we started dating, he didn’t make a move on me and treated me well for two or three months. But after we were intimate for the first time, he started asking almost every time we meet. I’m wondering whether everyone is like this, or whether he sees me as someone easy, and it’s been bothering me.
I do like intimacy, so ideally I’d like to approach it with the attitude that I’m the one casually enjoying myself with him. Is there any way I can feel more emotionally stable? By the way, when I’m with my papa (a male supporter), I receive an allowance, so I don’t feel depressed.
I’m Shingo Lee, a columnist.
The idea of someone being “only after your body” is, in many ways, a fantasy unique to women. You don’t need to worry about it so much.
Statistically speaking, women tend to choose men based more on appearance than men do, and apparently become bored with their partner’s looks after about three months. That’s what “only after your body” means from a woman’s perspective.
Men don’t have this “three-month limit.”
Simply wanting to have sex can’t be turned into love, but love can turn into wanting to have sex. So please don’t view “having sex all the time” so negatively.
I have sex three times out of every four times I meet someone, and I think that’s perfectly healthy.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
Why not ask your boyfriend directly, “Are you only interested in me physically?”
You could say that you’d like to go on a date without intimacy every other time, for example.
That said, people used to say that young men were like monkeys.
These days, with young men often being described as herbivores, a young guy with that kind of appetite might actually be rare.
If you can’t even express those frustrations to him, maybe you’re still in the early stages of dating.
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Doesn’t getting paid mess with your head?
I feel like my way of thinking is already becoming warped.
If it were my boyfriend, I’d be happy knowing he wanted to hold me. And wouldn’t you feel fulfilled knowing someone wanted to see you or touch you—not just give you things?
I wonder if getting into papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) at such a young age distorts your sense of self-worth and your values.
Akari
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For a young man, once a week is pretty normal, right?
I don’t understand why you’d get depressed over it.
You should worry if he doesn’t want you.
Marika
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I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.
> I wonder if he’s taking me lightly.
Not at all. If anything, I’d be more worried if he didn’t want you—wondering whether he was seeing someone else.
If you’re meeting once a week, it’s only natural to want to be intimate when you’re with someone you like. Actually, it’s inevitable. I couldn’t hold back. (When you think about it, men are willing to pay to be intimate even with someone who isn’t their partner, so if it’s someone they genuinely love, of course they’ll want it a lot. When you go on a trip together, I think it’s perfectly normal to spend hours embracing each other over and over.)
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