When you take a girl to an outlet because there’s something you want, do you go assuming you’ll buy her something too?
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The other morning, after staying over with a man in his 20s who isn’t my boyfriend but whom I see at least once a week like a boyfriend and who gives me money every time we meet, he said, “I’m going to buy my friend a birthday present, so let’s go to the outlet,” and took me there. But then he said, “We’ll leave once I’ve bought it.” I didn’t particularly want anything from the outlet, so I just sat down while he shopped.
If I were with a friend, I could spend hours walking around the outlet, but I felt bad making him tag along while I shopped, so I just watched him shop the whole time.
He asked, “You don’t want to look at anything?”
I said, “Not really. If I were with a girl, I’d want to look around together, but you probably don’t want to spend hours accompanying a girl while she shops. I only want to shop with someone who looks like they’re enjoying watching me.” He replied, “No, I’d be happy to do that,” so I said, “I don’t want to force you.” In the end, I didn’t look at anything and we went home.
I don’t ask men to buy me things—I only want money. I buy what I want myself, and I don’t need things I don’t want—so I’m not really sure. Is it normal for women to expect a man to buy them something when they go to an outlet together? And if men take women to places like that, do they also take them assuming they’ll be asked to buy something?
All my bags and shoes are from high-end brands, so from the outside I probably look like a typical woman who loves shopping.
Universe Club Customer Success representative Karasaki here.
I don’t know how old you are, but if you’re a man in your 20s, wouldn’t your relationship be closer to that of a friend?
Outside of special occasions, would you go out of your way to give a gift to a friend who accompanied you shopping?
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here.
> She told me, “Let’s go to the outlet mall to buy my friend a birthday present,” and took me there.
I think she may have wanted you to help choose something together, or offer opinions like, “Wouldn’t this one be better?”
Also, I don’t think she was planning to buy anything particularly expensive or branded, but it feels like she may have wanted to get you something small as a keepsake.
You could have treated it like a date and gone along with it, then reacted enthusiastically even if it was just something modest. That probably would have been a nice touch.
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You don’t seem to have any interest in choosing things together and having fun with it…
It’s more like, “I’ll buy what I want myself,” or “I’ll use the money I received to buy it.”
If you go through life thinking only in terms of gains and losses, you won’t be very endearing—and I think you’ll end up losing a lot, too.
Akari
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I’m Nana Ayase ♡
It would’ve been nice if you’d gone shopping together.
He went out of his way because he really wanted to go with you.
He might be thinking you’re a cold woman deep down.
I’m going to the outlet next Saturday too.
I’m getting myself a MONCLER down jacket for my birthday.
It’s really cold where I live—I practically freeze.
I wish I could get one year younger every year.
Next year, I’m going to get a designer bag. At my age, I don’t own anything from a luxury brand… (汗)
How embarrassing (/// ^///)
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It’s not always with the expectation that he’ll buy something for her—sometimes a man may simply ask her to come shopping with him, and things could naturally lead to him saying, “Would you like me to get that for you?”
But that would only happen if she enjoyed browsing together, even when he was buying a gift for a friend, and joined in the conversation with comments like, “Don’t you think this one would be better?” If she just sits there looking bored while waiting, though, that’s another story.
She came across as very demanding and not much fun to be around—saying she had nothing she wanted, or that she wouldn’t go unless he bought her something, or that she had to be with a certain person.
If it were me, I wouldn’t go on any dates with her anymore, not even shopping dates.
I’m sorry this wasn’t really an answer to your question, but rather along the lines of, “I wouldn’t want to date a woman like you.”
—Marika
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I don’t want to go shopping and have women ask me to buy them things, either.
I’d rather not get involved with women like the person asking this question.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I find it a hassle to think about whether I should buy something for her or not, so unless both of us actually have a reason to go to an outlet mall, I probably wouldn’t suggest going together.
If we happen to get excited talking about wanting to visit a particular outlet mall, then we’d go together since we’d both have our own reasons for going. Outlet malls are usually a bit of a distance away, so the trip there gives us a good way to pass the time. Once we arrive, we might split up and shop separately.
If I happen to see something I’d like to give her as a gift, I might buy it for her on the spot. However, I wouldn’t date a woman who expects me to buy her things, and if she asked me for something, I’d say no.
But everyone is different. Some men may enjoy being asked for things, while some women may feel that if they go out with a man, they’d like him to buy them something.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
> Is it normal for a woman to expect a man to buy her something if they go to an outlet mall together? And if a man takes her somewhere like that, does he usually do so assuming she’ll ask him to buy something?
Yes, that’s right. If there’s something I want, I’ll buy it; if not, I might not buy anything and just enjoy browsing around.
> All my bags and shoes are from high-end designer brands, so from the outside, I probably look like your typical woman who loves shopping.
In that case, I don’t think you’d go to an outlet mall.
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This is Osaka, a male member.
Bravo! You’ve officially qualified for the “subtlety championship”!
Congratulations!
Since I’m told that’s not the case, I’ll answer the question: the man simply wanted to enjoy a shopping date at even the outlet where, as the questioner put it, the lower classes gather.
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