I've been seeing a man I met here for two years, but lately my papa (a male supporter) has started making less effort with his clothes when we go on dates. He wears clothes that look like pajamas, with stains on them, and are so unpleasant that I don't even want to look at him.
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At first, he still dressed stylishly and looked well-groomed.
What do you think he feels?
Is he indirectly telling me that he wants to break up, or that I'm no longer worth dressing up to see...?
What do you think?
I spend three hours getting ready every time, no matter who I'm meeting for a date.
I take a bath, do my makeup, style my hair... I never go out thinking, “Oh, whatever.”
When I get to the meeting place, I feel so disappointed that I spent all that time getting ready.
I’m Dai, a male member.
A lot of young men these days wear makeup and care about fashion.
Men from the older generation tend to think it’s weird for a man to wear makeup.
When it comes to fashion, many of them feel that a suit is all they need for work and don’t pay much attention to their clothes in private.
That papa (a male supporter) is also in his second year with you, so he feels comfortable and has let his guard down.
I think you could also relax a little and not spend three hours getting ready.
Even in a regular romantic relationship, you wouldn’t spend three hours getting ready before every date, right?
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
That’s probably what he’s really like as a papa (a male supporter). You could call it laziness, but I think it’s more that he feels comfortable around you and is letting his guard down.
People who enjoy fashion naturally care about their personal style and dressing appropriately for the occasion. But some men simply aren’t interested in fashion or find it a hassle, so when they’re relaxed, that side of them comes out.
Men generally don’t wear makeup, so we’re basically bare-faced wherever we go. You could say that, compared with women, the line between “putting effort into your appearance” and “not bothering” is a little less distinct.
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I’m Ayase Nana ♡
Then why not go on a date looking just like him—without brushing your teeth and wearing dirty, everyday clothes? He’ll probably ask, “What’s gotten into you today?” Just say, “I thought I’d match your style…”
After two years, it does seem like he’s started slacking off on his appearance. But what about his feelings? Does he care about your well-being? Does he treat you to good meals? Does he help you when you’re having trouble? If he does those things, I think he truly cherishes you.
☆ To the person who asked: What are you spending three hours on? An hour and a half should be enough time to bathe, do your makeup, and head out…
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Clothes that are so dirty and unkempt that they look like pajamas—so bad you want to look away—are certainly beyond the pale. But I think the man is simply letting his guard down. I don’t think he’s saying he wants to end things or that he doesn’t value her.
For a laid-back man, being able to meet someone in comfortable, casual clothes without worrying too much may itself be part of the appeal.
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
That man is extremely lazy, but I also think you’re being extremely particular. There’s nothing wrong with that, but perhaps you could lower your standards a little and judge him on a broader scale.
If his clothes aren’t clean, why not point it out by bringing in a third party, such as, “I wonder what other people think when they see that stain,” or, “The staff member just now kept looking at you—I wonder if they noticed that your clothes were dirty”?
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