I received a serious marriage proposal from a papa (a male supporter) I’m close to. We’ve been seeing each other for about four years, and I love him too. I’ve even thought about supporting him in his later years.
This content is machine-translated.
If I married him, I don’t think I’d have to worry about money. He has supported me financially to a considerable extent.
But even though he’s such a good person, the fact that he was involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) will never disappear, and I can only see him through that filter.
I actually knew he had told me a lot of lies. He’s still here at 60, after all.
I find myself thinking that there are plenty of other wonderful, sincere, loving people out there.
When I calmly consider spending the rest of my life with him, I feel like maybe it isn’t right and that I might be lowering my own value.
I told him I needed time to think about the proposal.
I’d like us to stay as close as we are now, but if I turn him down, we can’t go back to how things were, can we?
I’m Aya, a female member.
Some people are being incredibly harsh, but they’re just jealous older men, so don’t let it bother you.
Personally, I’d be genuinely happy. Just knowing that I’m loved that much and receiving an allowance would make me happy in itself.
That said, I’d still have to be cautious about marrying someone who’s been involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I’d avoid bringing up marriage for now and grow even closer to him. Maybe you could live together, or rent a place and spend the weekends living together?
The values of the papa-katsu older men here don’t represent everyone.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Don’t say things like, “There are plenty of other wonderful, sincere, loving people out there,” until you’ve actually found someone like that.
And then there’s, “I’ve thought about taking care of my beloved papa when he gets old,” followed by, “I want to turn down his marriage proposal.”
Let’s stop with these kinds of patterns.
If you thought it, then do it.
If you’re not going to do it, don’t say it.
And don’t claim you’ve done something when you haven’t, either. lol
“Your value”? Give me a break. You were dating for four years, right? Your value has dropped quite a bit too. You deserve each other.
Stop thinking only about what’s convenient for you. lol
Take another good look at where you stand, then think about what you should do. It’s about time to make a choice.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Hikōki, a male member.
> I still want us to remain close as before, but if I turn him down, we can’t go back to how things were, right?
I think it’s possible to maintain the same relationship, as long as neither of you meets someone new.
When it comes to getting married, I don’t think it matters where you met. If that’s how you feel, then I get the impression that this probably isn’t such a precious connection after all.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
This is Ayase Nana ♡
Aren’t you in your 30s, question asker?
The other day, I got a question from someone in their 60s, but if our ages were a little closer…
The age gap is just a bit too much, and since he knows I’m doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), it does make me think twice.
I’m sure our relationship would end if I turned him down, but I just hope he wouldn’t get too depressed.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Kazu, a male member.
You certainly have a very young perspective.
You were involved in papa-katsu too, weren’t you? Do you think that if you don’t tell your future spouse about your papa-katsu past, you can avoid being someone who did papa-katsu? And in that case, would your future spouse really see you as an honest and loving person?
Even if you don’t accept the proposal, I think things can mostly return to how they were, depending on you and the other person.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Love and marriage are two completely different things. Thinking, “I love them so much, so we should get married,” can be dangerous.
Happy couples often describe each other as being “like air,” and I think that kind of comfortable presence is the key to living together without stress.
If you’re going to turn him down, it’s better to do it sooner rather than later. You could say something like, “I’m comfortable with the frequency and distance we’ve had in our relationship so far.”
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
