Until now, I’ve mainly offered to women around 24–27, thinking that women who were comfortable in the working world and not yet at an age where they felt pressured to marry would be easier to date. Everyone I met had a job, so my impression was that they were doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) not because they were truly struggling financially, but to supplement their income. Maybe that’s why they wouldn’t contact me unless I reached out first. They never said things like, “I want to go to ◯◯!”—whether it was traveling or a restaurant they wanted to try—and they never asked for anything, not even on their birthdays. It made me feel lonely, as though it wouldn’t really matter to them if they never saw me again.
I thought I wanted a calm relationship with a comfortable amount of distance, but I’ve realized that it feels somewhat lacking. I actually like being relied on and having someone be a little spoiled with me. Sorry for the long preamble, but if I want that kind of relationship, would it be better to offer to single mothers or students who seem to be struggling financially?
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I know exactly what you mean. I went through that too.
So, during my first round, I suddenly got tired of it and ended things with everyone.
In my second round, I was looking for a more free-form relationship that had nothing to do with the going rate. But I ended up taking things too far, and my adult relationship with that woman came to an end.
Now, in my third round, I’ve become a black-tier member and am doing my best to wrap up my club activities. So far, things are going well.
I thought that if I made offers to people who really needed the money, maybe I could build a deeper relationship with them. I know exactly what you mean—I went through that too, haha.
But money can only help keep a relationship going. It has nothing to do with whether it will lead to the kind of relationship you’re looking for.
In the end, it depends on the other person. But the reason my relationships are going well now is that I’ve gotten better at this. My past failures weren’t a waste after all.
Anyway, let’s try all kinds of things.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I’m around that age, and when I get close to a papa, I let myself be completely spoiled by him. That doesn’t mean I ask him to buy me things—I just want to see him often and act playfully affectionate with him.
If she’s especially young, she may be even more inclined to keep her distance from her papa. In the end, I think it really depends on the person.
Maybe things will change if you, as the person asking, try opening up first.
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I’m Ayase Nana ☆
Whether I’m single or married, when I’m barely getting by, life can be tough and I sometimes feel like relying on someone financially.
But I feel that if I asked for things or hinted for help, I’d be cut off, so I don’t act needy. If you tell me in advance, “You can rely on me” or “Just ask—I’ll help,” then please let me depend on you just a little.
At my age, I feel that being openly needy probably isn’t realistic. I’m lonely by nature, so maybe I’d only ask for a kiss.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here, answering as well.
> She never contacted me unless I invited her, and she never said things like, “I’d love to go to ___” (such as on a trip or to a restaurant she wanted to try). Even on her birthday, she didn’t ask for anything at all… It made me feel lonely, as if she wouldn’t mind not seeing me.
That’s probably because she’s worried that doing those things might make you dislike her. In fact, some men don’t like that kind of behavior.
So it might be good to tell her things like:
“Whenever you’re short on money (I’d deliberately phrase it that way), feel free to contact me. It actually makes me happy.”
Or:
“If it’s for a birthday or another special occasion, I’d be happy if you asked me for something.”
Once you tell her that, she’ll understand that you’re someone she can ask, and she’ll start speaking up.
Of course, I think it’s good to make offers to various women without being bound by categories, but I feel that continuing to make offers to her as things are now would be fine too.
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It seems quite a lot of people read this.
Some of you may think you’ll be dropped if you ask for things.
I think it’s fine to try asking things like, “You can lean on me,” “Is there anything you want?” or “Is there anywhere you’d like to go?”
Marika
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It may be better not to judge people too much by category...
I’m neither a student nor a single mother, but in my private life, I’m very affectionate and tend to rely heavily on men.
As mentioned in the answer, if there are videos, you might be able to sense something genuine—not something put on—in the atmosphere, pauses, and spontaneous gestures.
Akari
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I’m Osaka, one of the male members.
Just as you came to realize something about yourself through your experiences, women can also change their feelings or have realizations as a relationship progresses.
It’s fine to look at things like age, occupation, and experience and try to come up with patterns and strategies, but my predictions are often wrong, so I try not to place too much importance on those factors and instead stay flexible.
Some young college students are very thoughtful and able to consider their partner’s feelings, while there are also people with age and experience whom I know I’d never want to see again.
My profile is fairly ordinary, but the videos are incredibly helpful. Of course, what the person says and how they respond are useful, but the interviewer’s voice and tone can also tell you a lot. If the staff seem to be laughing and enjoying themselves, for example, you can sometimes get an idea of what the atmosphere was like during the interview and filming beforehand.
Fortunately, I haven’t encountered any major discrepancies, and I’m able to meet the women I make an initial offer to. But you can’t really know what someone is like once their true nature starts to show after the relationship begins, so I find it genuinely difficult to tell whether things will continue.
Also, when my own feelings start getting stronger, I tend to see the other person through rose-colored glasses, so I think that’s something to be careful about too.
What was I trying to say again? I’ve gotten off track.
Flag Maker’s posts are really informative, so please take a look at their columns. (I didn’t bring them up just because I was struggling—seriously, they’re very helpful.)
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I have a similar dating style.
I think women around that age tend to hold back in how they act.
They may even worry that making excessive demands could cause them to be cut off.
I don’t know how long you’ve been seeing each other, but I feel it takes some time before women around 24–27 genuinely rely on you or let themselves be spoiled.
Single mothers can be a good option.
When students act needy, it feels more like they’re trying to get absolutely everything they can. I think that may be different from what you mean by someone relying on you or letting themselves be spoiled.
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I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.
> So, to pursue this kind of relationship, should I offer to women who seem to be struggling financially, such as single mothers or students?
I don’t think that’s necessarily the case.
Based on the age range you’re targeting, the women you’re describing may actually be a perfect fit.
That said, I don’t think they’ll invite you to meet unless they genuinely enjoy spending time with you.
They’re already dealing with plenty of stress and frustration from work, so if meeting you feels like even more stress, they probably won’t want to see you often.
On the other hand, if spending time with you helps them unwind, they’re likely to reach out and invite you.
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