I joined a dating club for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) to supplement my living expenses and savings.
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There’s a man I’ve been seeing for about a year. As soon as he realized that I’m not struggling financially, he told me, “I don’t want this to be about money—I’d like to see you normally.”
We get along well and can talk as comfortably as friends. I also happened to say, “This doesn’t really feel like papa-katsu, does it?” Since he also knows that I’m not in financial difficulty, I think that led him to say what he did above.
From my perspective, I’m doing papa-katsu to help with my living expenses and savings, so I have no reason to meet him without an allowance.
What would be a natural way to tell him that I’d like to keep seeing him as before, with an allowance? I’d really appreciate any advice.
I’m Aya, a female member.
If my papa said that to me, this is how I plan to respond:
“Yeah, that’s right! Thank you! I really want to have an equal relationship with you, ○○, so I want you to leave your wife and be with me exclusively! You’re thinking about a future with me, right?”
“I’ve always felt that the money you gave me was partly compensation for putting up with this difficult relationship—where you wouldn’t leave your wife, couldn’t see me on weekends, and couldn’t even stay overnight.”
I truly believe this should be fine.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Knowing what led up to this, I can somewhat understand the man’s point of view. Now that things have come to this, though, I’m not sure whether you’ll continue receiving the allowance as before.
Rather than trying to negotiate with some strange excuse, I think you should honestly tell him what you’re thinking: that you’re seeing him to help with living expenses and save money. If he won’t accept that, you may simply have to say, “I can’t continue seeing you.”
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I think you should ask what kind of relationship he’s looking for when he says he wants to see you normally, not as part of a financial arrangement.
If he means a boyfriend, ask whether he’s genuinely thinking about marriage.
If he means friendship, ask whether he has sex with his friends—and make it clear that you’re not looking for a friends-with-benefits arrangement.
You don’t want a relationship that only benefits him, but you’d also be uncomfortable if he expected marriage from you.
By accepting an allowance, make him understand that you’re drawing a clear line and won’t accept those kinds of demands.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member who gets around faster than an “asshi,” treats you better than a “meshi,” and runs around like a servant.
> “We can talk to each other like friends.”
Then say, “I’m quitting papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and since this isn’t papa-katsu anymore, you’re going to treat me even better than before, right?”
Let’s be bold and tell him exactly what you want.
If it isn’t papa-katsu, just think of it this way: you can ask for whatever you want, and naturally, he’ll keep giving you the same allowance because that’s how much he likes you—it just won’t be called an allowance anymore.
You meet as usual, get plenty of spending money, make requests, and have him buy you presents…
You might be able to do whatever you want.
After all, it isn’t papa-katsu anymore, so you can ask him for anything, right?
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I’ll answer as Maezawa from the CEO’s office.
I meant that our relationship isn’t based solely on money—we have a good relationship.
How about asking something like:
“Would it be difficult for us to continue being as lovey-dovey as before while still having an allowance involved?”
Once he thinks you might be willing to meet without money, he may start pushing for that. If that happens, unfortunately, it might be best to end things by telling him you can’t see him anymore.
Men say they dislike women who are all about money, while also insisting that an allowance is only natural.
But the truth is, there are also men who are very money-minded and try to meet without paying an allowance.
What’s strange is that they don’t see meeting without an allowance as being money-minded themselves. I think it’s because they’re the ones focused on money, trying to find a way to avoid paying.
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