I want to end things with the man I’m seeing. Is there any way to break up as amicably as possible?
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I can’t give too many details because it would be a problem if he happened to see this, but I have no one else to ask, so I’m posting here.
We’ve been seeing each other for a long time, and he has supported me generously over the years. However, he’s gradually started making increasingly obsessive comments, getting angry and sending multiple LINE messages or leaving calls when I’m slow to reply. There have also been other things that make me feel he may have stalker tendencies, and I’m starting to feel scared.
I considered blocking him, but he knows my nearest station and the company I work for, so I was afraid of what might happen if he tracked me down. Could anyone offer me some advice? Thank you in advance.
I’m Osaka, a male member.
I’m writing this assuming that man is also reading this site.
First of all, both people have an equal right to decide when to end a relationship. Continuing is only possible with mutual agreement. I’m sure you already understand that, since it’s only common sense.
Rather than trying to use any tricks, I think it would be best to tell him directly that you want to end the relationship.
You clearly have reasons for losing trust and deciding to break things off—you felt so uncomfortable that you became afraid and even considered blocking him. At the same time, it sounds like you’re grateful for the support he gave you over the long time you were together. With that in mind, I think it would be best for you, as the person asking, to be the one to properly bring up saying goodbye.
You could also speak honestly about those conflicting feelings.
It’s sad, but this is something everyone has to be prepared for someday. The relationship continued because he cared about you too, and I don’t think he ever intended to make you feel afraid.
Being able to say “thank you” to each other, ending things with gratitude, and looking back on it as a wonderful relationship—that’s something to be envied.
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I’ll answer as Maezawa from the CEO’s office.
Something along the lines of:
“I’ve decided to graduate from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
Thank you for everything.”
I feel that quitting papa-katsu altogether is probably the approach that makes it hardest for a man to keep chasing after you.
He may want to ask, “Why are you quitting?” But when he thinks about marriage, having children, and the future, he realizes that you do need to graduate someday.
Then it becomes, “I guess only she can decide when that time is…”
He may not feel entirely satisfied, but if you’re graduating, there’s nothing he can do to stop you—even though he wants to.
Of course, you’ll probably look for other papas in the future. But first, find a papa you can meet on a monthly arrangement, temporarily delete your account, and then register again about six months later with your profile hidden from him.
If he finds out, you can always say, “After I quit, I realized I didn’t have enough money anymore.”
And if he asks, “Why haven’t you contacted me?” you can simply say, “You said you were graduating, so I couldn’t bring myself to contact you.”
As others have mentioned, I also think it’s important to know the person’s real name, company name, and date of birth.
That way, you can come up with various strategies.
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I’m Ayase Nana ♡
I was stalked once before. I never told him where I lived or worked, but he threatened to stake out my commute, figure out which train I took, identify my nearest station, and follow me home from there—saying he’d find out where I lived in no time. He also pressured me, saying, “Wouldn’t you be happier if you left your husband and came to be with me?” It was terrifying.
Questioner, you need to carefully plan how to avoid angering or provoking him, because this could be dangerous. I tried to hide, and he slammed me against a wall.
If he attacks you on LINE when you’re slow to reply, perhaps it’s because he’s worried about you.
I don’t want you to go through something as frightening as what happened to me.
When you talk to him, make sure you’re in a crowded place and take precautions so he can’t hit you. First, stay calm and show him respect while telling him, “I’m having trouble with this” (because it scares you). I hope you can get through to him.
Apparently, statistics show that people are at their calmest after eating, so it might be worth choosing that time.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Breaking up takes a lot of energy. First, do you know this man’s workplace, real name, family situation, and so on? I think you should at least consider asking his workplace for help if things come to that. In any case, the more information you have about him, the more it may help if something happens.
On the other hand, an anonymous person is truly frightening because you never know what they might do. If he’s a generous (well-paying) papa (a male supporter), he probably holds a respectable position and hopefully won’t do anything too strange, but please prepare for the worst just in case. Other than that, I think all you can do is express your gratitude and clearly end the relationship.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Why not start by telling him that his LINE messages and calls whenever you’re slow to reply are making you feel uncomfortable and scared?
Of course, don’t forget to begin by expressing your gratitude to him.
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