I really hate it when he puts his hand around my waist. When young guys do it, I don’t mind—in fact, I get excited and turned on—so I really think I just hate older men.
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I try not to stand directly beside men whenever possible, but if I let my guard down, he immediately puts his arm around my waist. He doesn’t touch my butt.
I really hate it, but the man I’m seeing thinks I’m his girlfriend and is a genuinely lovesick, emotionally unstable type, so it’s hard to tell him to stop. Whenever he puts his arm around me, I walk quickly toward somewhere else and move away. I do this every time, but he does it every time, so I guess he doesn’t understand at all how uncomfortable it makes me feel. Why does he put his arm around me? I’m more than 30 years younger than him—I’m 19—and I can’t imagine that doing this to a woman that much younger would be anything but uncomfortable. Does he really not think about how women feel? Do men generally assume that young women like them when they interact with them? How can I get him to completely stop putting his arm around my waist?
I’m Fuu, a column writer.
If you really hate older men, you shouldn’t force yourself. You’ll end up emotionally drained.
You’re okay with an adult relationship (intimate), but you don’t like having an arm put around your waist? Ah, wait—maybe you’re not a Universe member, but an app-based dinner-only (no intimacy) girl?
Even at hostess clubs, men may hold your hand or put an arm around your waist. So why not work at a girls’ bar, where you don’t have to be physically close face-to-face, and earn your money that way? It sounds like harder work than papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), though. Good luck.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
If you’ve clearly told him to stop and he still won’t, you have no choice but to cut that papa off.
If you hate older men, I’m surprised you’re doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) in the first place. I think you should quit papa-katsu as soon as possible.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Try whispering in his ear, “You can touch me later, okay? ♡” Maybe gently nibble his ear while you’re at it.
Lions are trained with food and a whip, after all.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
If she’s avoiding it because she dislikes that act, you’d probably notice—but this guy is kind of socially oblivious, right?
She probably wants him to pick up on it without her having to say anything, but people are different, so that’s just how it is. I try to be careful too, but I’m always conscious of whether I might be doing the same thing.
You could say, “If you don’t like it, then stop seeing him,” but in cases like this, why not try developing the skills to handle it smoothly while still saving the other person’s face? It might even enhance your appeal as a woman.
P.S.
Here’s one way I might deal with it:
“Whenever you do that, it reminds me of the day I was groped on the train to school… After that, I just can’t do anything.”
Or suddenly kick him in the groin and say, “I’m sorry, it was a reflex—my self-defense training for dealing with gropers just kicked in!”
Sorry, I’m just being silly with the second one.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
You may think that women who dislike it as much as you do wouldn’t do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) in the first place. Men probably assume that if you really don’t like something, you’ll tell them.
If you say you don’t want him putting his arm around your waist at all, he’ll likely stop. papa-katsu isn’t something you should have to force yourself to do or endure.
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I’m Shingo Lee, a columnist.
Even among women who genuinely love their partner and are serious about the relationship, some feel uncomfortable when he puts his arm around their waist. In short, everyone sees things differently.
(My ex used to hit me every time I put my arm around her waist… and I was planning to marry her.)
>> Do men basically approach young women assuming they’re interested in them?
While they’re paying, I don’t find it that strange for them to feel as though they’ve been given a “free pass” to act on that assumption, even if the woman says otherwise.
If you don’t like something, you should say so clearly—but you may need to be prepared to lose that papa (a male supporter).
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