I’m an older male member. I sometimes feel lonely because I don’t seem to be getting any closer to a girl I’ve probably met more than ten times. But whenever I ask her out, she always works around my schedule and agrees to see me again, so is it okay to think she has at least some interest in me?
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Or can women really keep going on dates with an older guy they’re not attracted to or interested in, as long as they receive an allowance? (^_^;)
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Are you interested in the women you’re seeing? Do you know what they like and what their hobbies are?
I’m the type who really caters to the other person, so my usual approach is to take an interest in my partner’s hobbies. That’s why I’ve joined dating clubs and met and parted ways with all kinds of women. But even after we part, the hobbies remain, so I keep accumulating new ones—and it can get overwhelming. I’ve been told things like, “Let’s do it together ♡,” and gotten carried away practicing, only for us to break up without ever doing it together.
Still, getting closer by taking an interest in her hobbies is a fairly straightforward approach, so I recommend it. It works surprisingly often.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
That vague sense of distance that never seems to close is actually pretty common.
Since she’s met with you several times, at the very least, you’re within the range she can tolerate—or, more positively, you’re someone she doesn’t dislike. I think it’s best to leave it at that. In its own way, that’s proof she accepts you.
I agree with Kazu’s comment, but I think it comes down to whether you can make her feel more attracted to you. So your options are to improve yourself or look for what works. That said, relationships where the distance really does grow closer definitely exist, so let’s both do our best.
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I’m Fuu, a columnist.
I’m not sure what you mean specifically by “getting closer,” but if she meets you that often and comes whenever you call, I’d be grateful if I were you. People like that are hard to find. She sounds like a great girl—I’m jealous.
Be careful, though. If you try to get too close too quickly, she may lose interest and end things.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I’m also getting up there in age, with some gray hair（笑）.
First of all, if your dating partner really didn’t want to see you, she simply wouldn’t. So it’s safe to assume she isn’t uncomfortable with you.
When I first started dating through the club, I often asked, “Do you dislike old men?” The women would say, “No, not at all.”
That said, if you compare yourself with a handsome younger guy, you can’t compete—he’s got a muscular chest and plenty of stamina. So I think it’s best to show consideration toward the woman, be generous, and take your time meeting her repeatedly.
The more often she sees you, the more accustomed she’ll become to you being an older man. Once that happens, she’ll naturally start treating you accordingly.
Of course, it won’t turn into anything lovey-dovey or like a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, but you can develop a comfortable, pleasant bond between an older man and a younger woman.
Ten or twenty meetings aren’t nearly enough. Keep at it quietly for a year, or preferably two or three years, and things will start to feel much more natural.
Give it a try.
Oh—and after about three years, she’ll start entering restaurants and hotels ahead of you, as if she can’t wait to get inside. It’s actually pretty amusing to watch.
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I’m Ayase Nana ♡
Whenever I invite him, he always makes time for me, and he’s met with me so many times. Is it okay to think he might have some feelings for me?
I think your feeling that he hasn’t really warmed up to you is probably accurate. It’s best not to get your hopes up.
At your age, did you offer to meet someone around your grandchildren’s age? There may be girls who genuinely like you, but…
Why not try making offers to about 100 more? How about your actual grandchildren? Unless you lure them with money, don’t they have a hard time coming near you?
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Basically, I think papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is about older guys who aren’t a woman’s type or don’t naturally interest her offering an allowance in exchange for meeting up.
To go beyond that basic arrangement, I think you need to offer something appealing besides the allowance.
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