I’d like some advice about my monthly papa who lives far away.
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I’ve been seeing a man for about nine months, and since last month he’s switched us to a monthly arrangement.
The amount is more than enough for me.
To put it in numbers, we meet an average of three times a month, but I receive the equivalent of five meetings’ worth.
Since we live far apart, I’m the one who flies out to see my papa every time.
The problem is that transportation costs are apparently included in the monthly allowance...
Once I deduct the travel expenses, the monthly amount works out to only about three and a half pay-per-meeting allowances.
I can’t help feeling that there wasn’t much point in switching to a monthly arrangement. That said, I don’t think he’s the kind of man who would increase the frequency of our meetings or make additional demands just because we switched to a monthly arrangement.
I had assumed I would receive travel expenses separately from the monthly allowance, but is this normal for everyone?
Do you think this man’s idea of a monthly arrangement is basically to bundle together the allowance and travel expenses he would otherwise give me each time, all at once?
I’m Dai, a male member.
What was the point of switching to a monthly arrangement for the questioner?
For men, one reason is that paying every time they’re intimate can feel too much like using a sex service.
That’s why I think it’s only natural for the allowance to include transportation costs.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
If you meet an average of three times a month and, after deducting transportation costs, you’re receiving the equivalent of about 3.5 pay-per-meeting allowances, then the math seems to check out.
So I don’t think you should complain about the current arrangement.
You may have been disappointed because you expected the allowance to increase just because it’s a monthly arrangement. But the benefit of a monthly arrangement is that you should receive the same amount even if you only meet once that month.
Other than that, I don’t think there are many particular benefits—although it may give you the sense that he values and cares about you.
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I’m in Seattle.
Including transportation, I’d say it’s a fairly decent amount. If your papa isn’t unpleasant and the travel isn’t too much of a hassle, I’d keep seeing him.
If you bring up transportation costs, he might say he’ll look for someone nearby instead. You should look for a backup, too.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I think he probably prefers giving you the money all at once because it’s easier than settling up each time—mentally, too. He doesn’t seem like such a bad person, so why not try trusting your papa (a male supporter)?
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I’m Date Yume, a male member.
What do you think…? From my perspective, he seems like a good papa.
Since the two of you can decide how things go after the first meeting, you might try asking him to cover your transportation costs as well. Alternatively, it might be best to bite the bullet and end the relationship.
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