I want to learn how to feel gratitude.

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. Could it be that you’re not good at asking people for favors? Maybe you’re also uncomfortable showing your weaknesses to others. You’re pushing gratitude away yourself—or, you could say, running from it. Do you find yourself thinking, “I never ask anyone for help, yet no one helps me”? When you’re in trouble, try showing your emotions, swallowing your pride, and asking someone for help. Sometimes, someone will come through for you—and that’s when the tears of gratitude come. Actually, I think the person asking this question is someone who’s especially vulnerable to other people’s kindness.

I’m Kamihikōki, a male member. Many people, like you, have feelings tied to something in their past. In fact, I think most people—including myself—often carry some kind of hatred or resentment. I once saw a TV program about a father whose young child had been brutally murdered. Rather than being consumed by hatred for the perpetrator, he spoke about living freely, without being bound by those feelings. I found it deeply moving. Because of what happened in the past—even if there’s someone you resent so much that you wish they would just die—you’ve still made it to where you are today. Perhaps that past is what enabled you to become stronger. If you can accept what happened, you can come to affirm your past. Only then, I believe, can you begin to feel happiness in the present and the future.

I’m Osaka, a male member. To begin with, why did you decide that you needed to feel gratitude? You don’t have to force yourself to feel it, do you? Was it because someone told you that you lack gratitude? Or because you somehow felt that it might be the reason? Isn’t it painful to force yourself to have something you don’t genuinely feel? I think it’s perfectly fine to start by questioning whether gratitude is even necessary. For now, set gratitude aside. How about starting by thinking about why you live and what it means to be alive? Please try to think about this in concrete terms. It’s natural to end up saying, “I don’t know!” Very few people can answer immediately. But if you’ve never thought about it before, try it at least once. Personally, my answer is: to become happy. In the broad sense, that’s an answer most people can accept, haha. But the specific form of happiness differs from person to person, so please think about it seriously. Then ask yourself: If you don’t have that happiness right now, or if something is lacking and you don’t feel fulfilled, what is causing it? Your family environment? Your personality? Your workplace? Not having any friends? List everything that comes to mind. If those suspected causes were improved or changed, would you feel that you might be able to arrive at the answer to why you live? Think it over repeatedly and try to sort through it. Now, let’s look at it from another angle. Is it something you could achieve by yourself, alone in your apartment? Could you bring it to completion entirely on your own? If it requires you to interact with someone, can only arise through a relationship with someone, or requires someone else’s help, then I think you’ll be able to honestly accept that another person’s presence is necessary for the answer to why you live. Once you realize that you can’t live entirely on your own, and that other people are necessary for your life, you may come to accept that you are being supported by others. You may also begin to notice the people who need you. You thought you had simply been living meaninglessly, but in reality, you were being kept alive. What a shocking realization! If you can see things that way, you may gradually discover what gratitude really is, what you’re grateful for, and how you feel about it. I feel like I read something along those lines in Osamu Tezuka’s *Buddha* a long time ago… or maybe I didn’t, haha. Sorry, that was a weak ending. P.S. I have many things I’m grateful for, but when it comes to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), more than whether it’s for money, a lie, or something she’s actually forcing herself to do, the undeniable fact is that my PJ makes time to meet me and gives me happy moments. I’m grateful for that fact alone. I always tell her, “Thank you for giving me such happy times.” It’s time I could never create on my own. All I can do is be grateful.

Maezawa from the CEO’s office here—I’ll answer too. I think it’s best to start by following the proper etiquette. When you’re invited on a date, say: “Thank you for inviting me.” When the date is over, say: “Thank you for today. Please invite me again.” Basically, I think it’s good to express your gratitude whenever you have the chance. At first, it may feel like you’re just going through the motions and make you wonder, “Why am I doing this?” But eventually, it will start to come naturally. And someday, I think you’ll genuinely feel grateful as well.

I’m Dai, a male member. First, you need to understand that having others do things for you is not something you’re automatically entitled to. Next, don’t blame your failures on something else. There are plenty of people who, despite being in worse circumstances than you, still have a grateful heart.

I’m Shingo Lee, a columnist. I think there are quite a few people like you. I talk to all kinds of people by approaching strangers, and Tokyo is full of people like you. No matter what kind of relationship it is, connecting with others is important. Once you have a little more time and emotional space, try getting to know people from different communities and backgrounds. >> How to show appreciation If expressing gratitude feels difficult, it’s important to “start with the form” at first. Even if it feels mechanical, whenever someone does something for you, try smiling and saying “thank you.” Your genuine feelings will follow naturally. >> Friends In reality, you make friends up until the age of 18. After that, the people you form are more like “companions.” You won’t become close unless you share some kind of common goal. Why not try taking on something new, whether offline or online?

I’m Nana Ayase ♡ If someone presses the elevator button for you, say thank you. If your parents hadn’t been there, you wouldn’t have been born. “Thank you for the meal” before and after eating are also words of gratitude. If you feel embarrassed saying them alone in public, at least say them at home. When you shop at a convenience store, say thank you when you receive your purchase as well. Don’t blame others by saying it’s because of your family environment or workplace… You simply think it’s only natural for people to do things for you. Try being grateful that you can even use your phone right now.

I’m Kazu, a male member. I believe gratitude can exist even in a transactional relationship. For starters, why not try to consciously acknowledge whenever someone does something for you? Also, since this is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), it might be a good idea to value and continue seeing a papa (a male supporter) who says “thank you.”