I have a papa (a male supporter) who presumably grew up in a fairly wealthy family—he took over the family business and has attended private schools since middle school—but his chopstick manners are really terrible.
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I was so surprised by the odd way he held his chopsticks when we first met. Yet when he takes me to one of his regular restaurants, he says, “I’d be embarrassed to be seen with a girl who has no manners.” I couldn’t help thinking, “Isn’t he embarrassed by the way he holds his chopsticks…?”
Does he genuinely not realize how bad his chopstick manners are? Would it be better not to tell him, “You hold your chopsticks strangely”?
I’m Dai, a male member.
For your own sake, you’re better off not pointing that out. I think it’s the kind of thing that could easily lead to losing the man you’re seeing.
First, you should learn that nobody is perfect.
I can use chopsticks properly, but I’m not particularly neat when eating grilled fish.
Are all of your manners perfect?
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here—I’ll answer too.
The way someone holds chopsticks probably has something to do with how they were raised. “Discipline” sounds a bit strict, but perhaps it comes down to whether their parents were satisfied as long as they held them more or less correctly, or made sure they learned to hold them properly.
That said, if they can use them properly even though their grip looks a little unusual, I don’t think it’s really a problem.
> “Your way of holding chopsticks is strange.”
Should I avoid telling them that?
If you’ve been seeing each other for a long time and have built the kind of relationship where neither of you gets offended by minor things and you can just laugh them off, I think it’s okay to mention it.
Otherwise, I’d probably hold off for now.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
There are many people in the world who would like to hold chopsticks properly but can’t because of physical or other reasons.
So should the person they’re with make sure to hold theirs properly to make up for it?
Or is this something they don’t need to worry about?
I actually think holding chopsticks properly is a surprisingly advanced skill.
If you’re doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), it’s best to find someone you can casually and immediately tell, “You’re holding your chopsticks funny.” Of course, you want someone who won’t say things like, “You have no manners…” either.
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Being in private school from middle school isn’t really a sign of wealth—it’s pretty ordinary.
Truly wealthy families send their children to prestigious private schools from kindergarten.
Some people simply can’t correct the way they hold chopsticks, but what’s wrong with that papa (a male supporter) is less his grip and more the fact that he doesn’t realize it and ends up looking down on other people.
If that went too far, I’d probably end the arrangement.
Personally, I also dislike people who don’t hold pencils properly.
Sorry for being such a noisy old lady.
—Marika
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Wealth and good manners are two separate things.
I grew up in an average household and was corrected many times, but my manners are still slightly off in some ways. However, perhaps because I was taught how to eat fish and conduct myself at the table, people often tell me, “You eat so gracefully.”
Even my mother-in-law, who found fault with everything, praised me for it
(especially since my husband is terrible at it…).
So perhaps he simply doesn’t realize it, or he tried to correct it but couldn’t.
Being told something like that is genuinely embarrassing, and he may feel as though all the shame of his life has been brought upon him.
If watching him is unpleasant, end the relationship.
If simply keeping him out of your sight solves the problem, stay quiet and continue.
Since he’s the one talking about manners and such, you shouldn’t hurt his pride.
By the way, my children use chopsticks properly and beautifully, so I’m very glad about that.
Akari
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I’m Ayase Nana ♡
My parents trained me at fancy restaurants from the time I was three, so I’m fine with knives and forks.
But…
Just like Papuwa, I hold chopsticks in a strange way too.
When I was little, everyone let me get away with things whenever I cried. My father was too lenient with me, I guess (^_^;)
So now I’m having trouble. I really wish I’d been trained to use chopsticks properly when I was young too.
Maybe your papa doesn’t realize that his chopstick grip is unusual?
But if you bruise his pride, he may say goodbye, so you absolutely shouldn’t mention it.
You’re an adult, after all.
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