I’m not good at talking, and when I receive an offer from a man who is also quiet, I feel like I have to keep the conversation going, so I end up being overly considerate and completely exhausted after the date.
Even if he’s a little pushy, I’d really appreciate a bright, outgoing man who talks a lot and keeps the mood lively.
Even my few friends tend to be the type who actively invite me out themselves.
I’m sure people will tell me to make more of an effort, and of course there was a time when I tried acting like “a talkative, outgoing girl.” But I felt like my behavior didn’t quite match that of genuinely bright and bubbly women, and I wasn’t able to build the kind of friendships I’d hoped for.
That experience has left me with something of a trauma, so even during a first meeting, when I’m talking, I find myself watching the man’s reaction internally as I speak—wondering things like, “Isn’t this story boring?”
At the moment, I receive more offers from men who are relatively quiet.
This may just be my imagination, but I feel like many of the male respondents probably liven things up in real life too, and I find myself envying the women who receive offers from men like that.
So, is there any way to make it easier to receive offers from outgoing men?
It’s about time for me to have new photos taken, so should I change my impression through my photos after all—by wearing more flashy clothes, for example? I’d rather not dye my hair if possible, though 😭
Should I make the comments section, where I currently write quite seriously, feel a little more party-girl-like? Or should I try to give off the impression that I’m strong-willed?
I’ve been seriously worrying about this lately. I’d really appreciate your advice.
I’m Hikōki, a male member.
> When I receive an offer from a man who doesn’t say much, I feel like I have to keep the conversation going, so I end up worrying about it.
I think it’s best not to overthink it.
Sometimes people who are alike naturally click, so regardless of what kind of man he is, I think it’s best to just be yourself.
Even in casual conversation or silence, you may find things you have in common—your timing, the topics you talk about, or what makes you laugh. And unless you experience those natural exchanges and the overall atmosphere, you won’t know whether you’re truly compatible and can feel at ease together.
I hope you meet someone you can be completely yourself with.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
You don’t have to keep the conversation lively. As long as it isn’t boring, I think that’s fine. It doesn’t need to be exciting, and you don’t have to try to be funny—just talk normally, and you should be okay.
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It’s me.
If you keep your profile wording to something like “Men with a fun, easygoing vibe are very welcome,” you might be able to filter people pretty effectively.
If you don’t want to screen out men who aren’t very outgoing, maybe:
“Men with a fun, easygoing vibe are very welcome. But I can get along with all kinds of men(^^)”
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I’m Ayase Nana ♡
In your profile comments, write: “I’d love to hear about your extensive experience.”
Some men in Osaka aren’t great conversationalists either, so I can’t make a blanket statement, but try sending Osaka men, “You seem wonderful ☆” It’s better than doing nothing.
Also, if you’re receiving an allowance, saying, “Talking is tiring for me, so please do the talking,” is a bit much. If you don’t like that, you should quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
If you start taking it for granted that you’re entitled to an allowance, it will show in your attitude. So do as much as you can for your papa (a male supporter).
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I’m generally pretty good at adapting to the other person, but I do struggle with men who are completely silent. Everyone’s different, but if this is worrying you that much, why not present it as one of your strengths?
If you write, “I’m not used to this kind of activity and get nervous when meeting someone for the first time, so I’d appreciate it if you could take the lead,” you’ll come across as refined and innocent, and you might get offers from men who enjoy taking the lead.
Or you could say, “I enjoy listening carefully to what the other person has to say.” That gives the impression that you’re a kind girl who’s a good listener, and papa (male supporters) who like to talk may reach out to you. Try not to see it too negatively—stay positive.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
I think it would also be good to comment on women’s profiles with something like:
“I enjoy listening to people. I’d love to hear from someone who likes to talk.”
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I’m Dai, a male member.
First of all, conversation is something both people contribute to, so you shouldn’t expect your partner to carry the conversation the entire time.
Energetic men are probably drawn to energetic women.
Try writing something like, “I’m a little nervous at first, so I’d be happy if you could talk a lot.” It subtly conveys that once you relax, you’ll join in and talk too.
It’s possible the club’s comments describe you as a quiet woman, so try asking the staff about it when you have your photos retaken.
Depending on the situation, it might also help to have just that part removed.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here.
Why not just write it as it is?
That way, men who feel they’re not the type to make conversation will probably stop sending offers, so the offers you receive should be more in line with what you’re looking for.
Of course, you’ll probably get fewer offers as a result, so I’m not sure whether that’s a good or bad thing.
Still, I think it may help reduce the number of dates that leave you feeling exhausted.
That said, some men will send offers without reading your profile, so I’d appreciate it if you could try not to think, “Why did he send me an offer if he isn’t going to talk to me?”
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