What kind of reaction are men looking for when they go on and on about their impressive achievements during a first dinner?
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For about two hours, he talked about himself nonstop: how he graduated from a prestigious university and had such amazing people among his classmates, how this person was a colleague and friend of his, bragging about his connections, and listing the achievements he had accomplished himself.
Maybe I’m not very perceptive, but other than saying, “That’s impressive,” I can’t think of anything else to say.
I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
Both men and women tend to fall into two types: those who mostly listen and those who keep talking.
Even when it comes to listening, compatibility matters.
Your partner can’t keep talking about their past experiences over and over, so what matters is whether they’re someone who can keep sharing everyday happenings—and whether you can enjoy listening to them.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
It’s the same as with sex. If you thought, “Wow!” or “How glamorous,” that doesn’t mean you lack sensitivity. Try responding with enthusiastic acknowledgments and questions that explore what, specifically, seemed so glamorous to you.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
Women’s profiles often say they’d like to hear about successful men, so men talk about their impressive achievements.
Conversely, they may be doing it because they’re out of touch with dating younger women and don’t know what else to talk about.
Take it as them giving you something to work with—show interest and keep the conversation going, or bring up another topic yourself.
Both people making an effort to expand the conversation is the foundation of good communication.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
It’s exhausting to be constantly on the defensive with someone like that. It hurts when they simply tell you the outcome from their side.
So let’s dig deeper into the thought process that led to those actions and results. There might be something to learn from it.
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I’m Maezawa from Shachoshitsu, and I’ll answer as well.
I mostly agree with Mac, but I think it would be good to pick up on various parts of what he says.
> Graduated from ○○ University
You could ask what he did during his student days, what was popular back then, what the atmosphere was like, and so on. There seem to be plenty of things to talk about.
> Joined a major company and worked his way up to a senior position
You could ask what kind of company it was, what happened along the way before he reached that position, and so on. There should be lots to discuss here too—whether he was ever transferred to another location, for example.
> Later started his own business
You could ask what things were like at the beginning and what challenges he faced in running the company.
Also, many business owners have stories like, “My employees’ salaries were never late, although there were times when I didn’t pay myself.” There are probably plenty of things you could ask about, such as what the circumstances were like at the time.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
I can relate to that man because I’m a little like that myself. As I’m getting closer to the end of my life, I want to talk about my memories and what I’ve accomplished.
Since you’re receiving an allowance, I think it’s a good idea to listen while looking for things you can take away from the conversation. Some people even pay to go and listen to others talk, after all（笑）
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I’m Aya, a female member.
If he’s willing to talk about his life at such length, you’re probably already a good listener, aren’t you? You don’t need to change anything.
If anything, conversations often contain clues about the kind of communication and connection a man is looking for through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), as well as bits of his values and needs. Try thinking of it as a customer interview in sales and listening carefully—you may find that it deepens the connection.
Wouldn’t it make things more enjoyable to look for hints in what he says that might lead to a higher allowance? Though you probably don’t need to take it quite that seriously… Take care and do your best without pushing yourself too hard.
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