I'd like to add more details to this question.
I haven't given her the 800,000 yen yet.
During our date, I learned that she was having financial difficulties.
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Even though she was hesitant when I told her several times that I'd help her, she eventually turned to me and thanked me after I said that 800,000 yen wasn't an amount I couldn't afford to provide.
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I messaged her on LINE saying that she could repay it through the allowance from 16 meetings, and that I'd bring several documents, including a written loan agreement.
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I was happy because I thought you were going to help me, but actually, never mind. I'm sorry.
Was she not really in financial trouble, but simply worried that she was about to be given a large lump sum? I also feel that she may have lied about things such as her real name or whether she was single or married.
She was my favorite, so I'd like to continue seeing her. Please give me some advice. She hasn't read my messages, but LINE calls still ring, so I don't think she's blocked me.
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
If it were me, I’d absolutely hate that. I’d run.
Getting my hopes up by asking for the details, only to find out it was an advance—that makes it even more off-putting.
Even as a salaryman, I’ll casually give a decent amount on top of the allowance.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
> She was my favorite girl, so I’d like to continue seeing her. Do you have any advice?
I completely understand how you feel.
But this is a dating club—don’t chase someone who’s chosen to leave.
The great thing about dating clubs is that there are women waiting who are just as good as, or even better than, your number one favorite.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
In a situation like this, if she’s leaving your messages unread, there’s a very high chance she’s blocked you on LINE.
If you take things too far, it could be considered stalking, so I recommend giving up.
To check whether you’ve been blocked on LINE, try sending her a few random paid stickers as gifts.
If it says she already owns every sticker you try to send, there’s a 99% chance you’ve been blocked.
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
It’s not exactly the same, but I’ve had a similar experience, so I’ll answer.
1. The reason is that affection from someone you don’t like is simply burdensome.
2. Even an interest-free loan can be frightening for a woman.
First, the more kindly a man she doesn’t like treats her, the more she may start to see him as someone she simply doesn’t care about anymore.
Presumably, to her, you were just a papa (a male supporter), without any other appeal or trust. So she probably didn’t see the relationship as something worth continuing despite taking on a risk—an interest-free loan is still debt—and instead felt that your affection had become too burdensome and ended things.
Also, even if it’s interest-free, debt can be frightening for a woman.
When I was younger, I once offered to lend ¥50,000 to an 18-year-old part-time worker so she could buy a computer for work. Even though I offered it interest-free, she was extremely cautious and clearly afraid.
For a man, offering an interest-free loan is a considerable gesture of goodwill. But psychologically, women may feel almost the same burden as they would with an interest-bearing loan.
She may have only asked because she expected you to say, “It’s not much, but here—take this,” and simply give her a lump sum. Your sincere proposal may have been completely outside what she expected.
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I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.
> Saying, “80 isn’t an amount I can’t afford to pay”
If you ever have an opportunity like that again, hand it over first without mentioning any amount or anything else, and have her accept it. Don’t think about any terms at all, even if there’s no guarantee that you’ll meet again or be able to continue.
Only do it when you feel you can hand it over without hesitation, fully prepared to consider it money thrown away. If you find yourself having petty thoughts about it, don’t even entertain the idea. The whole line of thinking is far too miserly.
That said, in an ordinary dating situation, handing over or entrusting her with a bundle of cash upfront can be highly effective. But with women from a dating club, since the relationship already involves money from the outset, it may have no effect whatsoever. So I think you need to proceed carefully.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
From her perspective, she thought she was going to receive ¥800,000 for free on top of her allowance, but then you demanded her body and paperwork, which completely put her off.
When an older, experienced man says, “I’ll help you,” she’ll naturally assume he means he’s going to transfer the money right away.
You may have tried to disguise your sexual motives as kindness, but your creepiness came through loud and clear. She ended up thinking, “What a pain! Gross!” That’s why she blocked you… You can still call her from your end after being blocked, but she won’t receive any notification. Just give up.
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They’ve stopped responding, and you still want to continue the arrangement?
At least this happened before you handed over the 80.
You need to wake up.
Marika
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
He probably wasn’t happy that the entire allowance would go toward repayment, or that he was asked to bring various documents. Naturally, that would be a turnoff.
For starters, what does a family register have to do with anything? I’ve never borrowed money, so I’m not sure, but even consumer finance companies surely don’t ask you to bring your family register. I imagine they’ll lend you money after simply checking your ID.
You should be able to figure that out just by reading everyone’s answers to your previous question.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here, answering as well.
> My messages are being left unread, but LINE calls still ring, so I don’t think I’ve been blocked.
I believe LINE calls can still ring even if you’ve been blocked.
You should try one of the methods commonly posted online for checking whether you’ve been blocked, but it seems very likely that you have been.
> It’s not that I was genuinely in financial trouble.
I think you mentioned the reason as well, but it may help to include that too. Since you said you were struggling, I assumed you might have been having trouble with debt.
Even if she really was in financial trouble, she may have thought that working in the adult entertainment industry would be preferable to showing her family register to you.
Being genuinely desperate doesn’t mean someone will do absolutely anything.
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