This is my first time asking a question. I’ve been seeing one of the women I met through Universe for a year.
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As I’m married, when I date an unmarried woman, I believe that providing a certain amount of financial support is only natural as compensation for her valuable time, regardless of whether we met through a dating club or not. However, I also hope that she finds some meaning in seeing me beyond the financial aspect.
For the men here, when you’re in a relationship based on financial support, what makes you feel that the woman finds meaning in seeing you beyond the money?
And for the women, if you find meaning beyond the financial aspect in a relationship based on financial support, what kind of feelings are involved? It’s the same with work, but the bias created by financial compensation is incredibly strong, and I feel that it can powerfully prevent us from finding meaning in anything beyond that.
I’m Aya, a female member.
It’s true that money is an incredibly powerful bias. The other day, I told a papa, “I’d still love you even if you became completely broke,” and he laughed and said, “You’re saying that because you know there’s no way I’m ever going to be broke, right?! You’re a bad woman.”
For some wealthy people, I think relationships that involve spending money are part of who they are. Maybe they don’t see themselves as being themselves without their ability to make money. So if you give your partner money, they’re happy, and the relationship has continued for a long time, I think that means they like you as a whole person.
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It’s me.
You can usually sense things like that from subtle changes in a woman’s expressions, words, and behavior.
For any woman, I think money plays a major role on the first date.
As you meet more often and the relationship continues over time, I think it gradually starts to change. For example…
- Spending a long time together doesn’t feel like a chore
- You can come up with and enjoy plenty of date plans that don’t involve an adult relationship (intimate)
- You can have fun simply talking for hours, without doing anything in particular
When things get to that point, you might start to feel like, “Maybe I’ve found meaning in this beyond the money…”
From a man’s perspective, money can be earned back, but time that’s been lost can never be recovered, no matter how hard you try. I only want to meet women with whom I can share time that’s genuinely valuable to me—and otherwise, things don’t last very long.
So even if an adult relationship (intimate) is an important part of dating, once it becomes the sole purpose—or if you start feeling even slightly like, “I’m paying you, so of course you should spend time with me,” I think women will see right through it immediately.
The most important thing is for both people to enjoy the date!（笑)
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here as well.
> How can you tell whether a woman finds meaning in the relationship beyond the money?
I think the fact that the relationship continues is the clearest sign.
A woman who sees money as everything will probably eventually be dropped by the man.
The women men want to continue seeing naturally want money, but they’re also women who are valued for reasons beyond that.
Because she values you in ways other than financially, the relationship continues—that’s how I see it.
And I think you may be sensing that yourself, too.
It’s probably difficult to put into words, but when you keep meeting someone, you can sense those feelings from them.
If it turns out you were simply mistaken, I suppose the relationship will just be cut off and end.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
When I first meet someone, I decide based on my own feelings whether I want a monthly arrangement with a set allowance, or a relationship that places more value on things beyond money.
In the former, we agree on an allowance—the usual kind of monthly arrangement. In the latter, things progress without even discussing or setting an allowance. So although no allowance has been decided in those relationships, and money is still part of the premise, it isn’t simply about giving and receiving an allowance. Because of that, our involvement tends to deepen in many ways: I might even give her a car, work together with her, or offer advice. I’m looking forward to seeing how these relationships develop.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I’m with Marika on this one!
If both the woman and the man are enjoying the relationship, I think it’s best to view the allowance as something that helps keep things running smoothly.
You don’t have to be loved—being seen as someone important, allowance included, should be enough.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
If I’m invited on a date with no allowance, I might think, “Well, I guess she accepts me in a somewhat friendly way,” but I wouldn’t go so far as to think she actually likes me, nor would I see any real meaning in it.
This is how I rank things:
Romantic partner (romantic feelings) > friend (personal affection) > acquaintance (no particular affection) > a close papa-katsu relationship (she doesn’t dislike me)
A close papa-katsu relationship ranks even below friendship. Emotionally, it amounts to little more than “I don’t dislike him.”
The fact that an adult relationship can happen on the basis of merely “I don’t dislike him” really shows how powerful an allowance is.
Sorry for putting it so coldly, but in my experience, when a woman finds meaning beyond the allowance, she’ll say things like, “You listened to me so much today, so I don’t need an allowance,” or “I feel bad taking any more allowance.”
To create value beyond the allowance, you have two choices: become more valuable to her than the allowance itself, or increase the allowance beyond your own value.
If you choose the former, don’t expect her to do the work—treat her so thoroughly and thoughtfully that she feels bad accepting an allowance from you! Give it your all!
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If there weren’t something besides the money that she valued, you wouldn’t be enjoying a relationship that has lasted this long. Otherwise, she’d simply be putting up with it for the money.
If things are going well right now, don’t overthink it. There’s no point wondering whether she’d still see you if you stopped giving her an allowance.
She likes you as you are now—the balance you’ve found works for her.
Marika
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