I want to cherish my family and avoid following the example of a senior who remarried after getting caught in the quagmire of an affair, but I also want to experience romance, which is why I became a male member. Thank you for your answer the other day about holding hands on a first date.
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When my children were young, I had neither the financial means nor the time to think about love and romance. Now, however, I feel that I have a little more room in my life. I attended an all-boys’ school through high school and was never popular, and since I married young, I’ve always felt that I wanted to date more women and experience more relationships.
In the paperback The Sociology of Papa-Katsu, which Representative Kida was also interviewed for, there is a man who uses papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) while searching for a new kind of relationship—neither a romantic partner, wife, nor mistress. That is exactly the kind of relationship I consider ideal. More specifically, I don’t want to have an affair, so there would be a financial exchange each time we met, but we would get to know each other well, share common interests, and have a strong emotional connection. I suppose you could call it a pay-per-meeting romantic relationship. I fully understand that this is convenient for the man, and in the end, it may be more or less equivalent to prostitution or being a mistress. Even so, I’m taking it seriously as a new way to enrich my life. I can’t really talk about this openly, so I’m very grateful for Q&A sites like this.
I’ve only met two women in person so far, but even after carefully selecting women who seem like my type from their videos, I find that I feel more nervous than excited when meeting them for the first time. Just as in a normal romance, I intended to wait until we had built a relationship of trust before becoming intimate. However, with papa-katsu, it’s possible to move into an adult relationship whenever I feel like it to some extent, so I got carried away and became intimate with one woman on our second meeting. After that, I found myself losing interest in her, which feels rather selfish. I’m continuing to send offers to other women in hopes of finding someone more compatible, but I’m finding it quite difficult to choose a partner based only on photos, videos, and profile descriptions.
Maybe I simply haven’t had that truly special encounter yet, but do I really need to meet a certain number of different people before I can find my ideal partner? I would be grateful to hear everyone’s opinions, as well as those of Representative Kida, whom I quietly respect.
Once you’ve made offers to a certain number of people, I think you’ll start to get a sense of your direction and preferences—what kind of women you like, how you prefer to date, and what level of closeness feels right.
And you probably don’t need to send as many offers as Kazu-san.
Good luck!
Marika
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
It’s surprising how nearly identical people’s reasons for joining are—and how similar the type of woman they’re looking for is.
Even so, I still haven’t met someone like that. Things seem to be going well, but for some reason, they always end up becoming friendships with neither financial support nor an adult relationship (intimate), which is my biggest struggle.
I’ve written about my twists and turns in my columns, so I hope you’ll find them helpful.
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I’m Maezawa from the president’s office, and I’ll answer this as well.
> I find it quite difficult to choose someone based only on their photos, videos, and profile.
Exactly.
If you could figure everything out from just that, it wouldn’t be so difficult.
You need to meet and date many more women and listen to what they have to say. As you do, you gradually start to understand them—and I think you also gradually come to understand what you’re really looking for.
By then, I hope you’ll have become someone who can think about the woman as well, without letting your ego take over.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
As long as you’re not overly aggressive—wanting to hold hands or kiss on the first date, or trying to skimp on the allowance—I feel that things often naturally develop into something good after you’ve met more than ten times.
At dating clubs, even if you enter into an adult relationship after dinner on the first date, it isn’t considered overly aggressive. It’s strange, but that’s just how it works. I think it’s the magic of the allowance.
On the other hand, if you don’t become intimate fairly early on, I think the relationship can become awkward, just like a normal romantic relationship. Try your best to read the atmosphere and handle things well.
One clarification:
When I say “after meeting more than ten times,” I mean meeting the same woman.
That said, I think finding someone who continues for ten dates is rare—out of every 20 offers, you might meet one such person.
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I’m Papercraft, a male member.
That’s a pure, genuinely heartwarming question that gets right to the heart of the matter.
> We exchange money every time we meet, but we know each other well, get along in conversation, and have a strong emotional connection—a pay-per-meeting romantic relationship.
It’s more than possible—more than you might imagine.
> Do I really need to meet quite a few different people before I can find my ideal partner?
Women also have people they naturally click with and people they don’t, so I think honing your instinct for who you’re compatible with will greatly increase your chances of finding someone close to your ideal.
Also:
> We became intimate on the second meeting, and, admittedly, I lost interest in her afterward.
Some women become less interesting to you after the second or third meeting, while others make you like them more and more the more you see them. The other person feels the same way.
The shortcut to building the kind of relationship you want is to become the ideal man who makes her feel the same way. That’s also what it means to keep a woman’s attraction shining.
First, it’s important to ask yourself whether you’re the ideal version of yourself for the woman you’re seeing.
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