Things became an adult relationship (intimate) on the day we had our first meeting.
A few days before we met, he emailed me, “Let’s enjoy a meal together,” so I completely assumed it would be dinner only (no intimacy).
That’s why I didn’t tell him, even though my period was going to overlap with our date.
After we enjoyed a three-hour full-course meal, he asked, “Can we go to a hotel?” I told him I was on my period and politely declined.
At that moment, he got upset and hurriedly took everything except the transportation money out of the envelope containing my allowance before handing it to me.
For future reference, if I think my period might overlap with a date, should I tell him as soon as I realize it, keeping in mind that things could develop into an adult relationship (intimate) at any time?
Should I reschedule in that case?
Or should I meet him for dinner only (no intimacy) for just the transportation money, or for an allowance lower than what I’d receive for an adult relationship (intimate)?
I’m a male member, BB7.
The questioner was also at fault for assuming it would be dinner only, and the man was at fault for getting upset and handing over less money than agreed. You should both learn a little more about adult communication and relationships.
Should I tell him as soon as I realize my period might overlap with the day we’re supposed to meet, just in case things could develop into an adult relationship (intimate)?
→ Yes, you should do that next time.
Should we reschedule when that happens?
→ That would be an option too.
Or should we meet for transportation costs only—or for dinner only, with a lower allowance than for an adult relationship (intimate)?
→ Talk it over and decide together.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
I think this is a situation that can happen from time to time.
The man may be thinking, “Let’s enjoy a meal together (and then go to a hotel),” but from the woman’s perspective, if he says they’re going to enjoy a meal, it’s only natural for her to look forward to just the meal. If that’s not what he means, she probably wants him to clearly say, “We’ll go to a hotel after dinner.”
I think this kind of filling in of the blanks is something particularly characteristic of men.
I don’t think the questioner did anything wrong. You simply didn’t have much experience, so this was the first time you encountered the kind of shorthand men use.
> Just in case things might develop into an adult relationship, should I tell him as soon as I realize my period might overlap with the day we’re supposed to meet?
Yes. Going forward, you should use this experience and let him know.
Men tend to leave out the strange parts. Even if a man says he wants to enjoy a trip together, it may not mean the trip is all he has in mind. Likewise, if he says he wants to visit museums together, I think it’s best to assume he may be expecting an adult relationship afterward.
> In that case, should we reschedule?
> Or should I meet him for dinner only, with just transportation expenses—or a lower allowance than for an adult relationship?
That depends on the man.
Some men will reschedule, while others may still meet for dinner only.
In cases like that, the amount is often the same as the transportation allowance set by Universe.
If you’re asking what you should do, I think it would be best to suggest rescheduling.
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In My 30s, New Member
I could kind of sense an unpleasant vibe from the way he worded it…
First of all, I don’t think the man’s attitude after being turned down was appropriate. That said, to prevent the same thing from happening in the future, I think it’s best to let him know ahead of time that you’re on your period.
When a woman is invited out, it’s perfectly normal in this industry for her to say something like, “I’ll be on my period that day, so would dinner only be okay?” and let him know in advance.
In that situation, I often try to act unfazed and agree to “dinner only.” But sometimes it can actually be enjoyable, since you get to see a different side of each other.
For reference, the allowance in those cases is usually around one-fifth to two-fifths of what’s paid for an adult relationship (intimate).
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