I’m Saito, a column writer♪
I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s answers and personal experiences.
Being habitually late
→ You don’t take time seriously enough.
Being 30 minutes late without being reachable
→ As Mr. Maezawa pointed out, there must have been something you could have done to handle the situation.
I think there’s a problem with each of your individual decisions and the way you think things through.
I’m sure there must have been plenty of other situations where men found your behavior unpleasant, too.
If anything, I’m surprised the relationship lasted a whole year.
If it were me, the next time I met a different papa, I’d be honest about what happened, ask him to point things out to me in various situations, and work on myself so I could develop a more solid character as a person.
Women often point things out to me, too.
(Though I’m sure there are plenty of things people choose not to tell me.)
Mr. Maezawa from the President’s Office here.
Thinking about it normally, I find it hard to understand why a man who had been seeing you for a year would leave you on read just because you were late once—by 30 minutes.
I also find it difficult to understand how you were able to contact him 30 minutes later if your phone battery had died. If the battery had run out, you could have gone to a convenience store and bought an emergency battery charger. It seems you could have contacted him before the meeting—or at least within a few minutes of being late.
That makes me wonder: Why couldn’t you contact him in time? Did you not intend to get in touch? (Of course, I also wonder how you were able to contact him 30 minutes later.)
Considering all this, it’s possible that this wasn’t an isolated incident and that you had been late quite often. Perhaps there had even been a previous discussion about not being late again.
If so, this incident may have been the final straw, and he may simply no longer want anything to do with you.
So, regarding how you might recover from this:
What specifically can you do? Do you have any idea what the man was looking for?
As for what you can do, if there’s something you’d like to convey—for example, that you’d like to continue seeing him for a while even without an allowance, or that you absolutely won’t be late again—it may be worth asking the staff at your registered branch to pass the message along to him.
You can also contact me, Mr. Maezawa, using the form below, and I will pass your message on to him.
I can relay the message, but whether he responds is up to him.
If he has blocked you, your previous messages probably haven’t reached him, so asking the staff to pass along a message may be a good option.
That said, blocking you suggests that he is quite angry, so I wouldn’t set your expectations too high.
Here is the contact form:
https://universe-club.jp/help/contact/
I’m Rula, a male UC member and a member of the new salon.
Since no one can know this man’s personality or what he’s thinking right now, I’d like to answer in general terms—or based on how I might feel in his position.
In conclusion, I think you should avoid contacting him at all, at least for a while.
If he doesn’t contact you either and about a month passes, you might send something like:
“It’s been a month since then. I’ve spent these days reflecting on my actions, and if possible, I would really like to see you again. If it wouldn’t be a bother, could you please contact me sometime?”
If he still doesn’t reply, assume the relationship has come to an end and let it go completely.
As an additional point, relationships through a dating club are different from ordinary romantic relationships in that an allowance is understood to be part of the arrangement from the outset.
That can make things rather complicated from a man’s perspective.
Even if you genuinely want to apologize and continue contacting him to say that you’d like to see him again, he may very well think, “What’s with her? She’s only contacting me because she wants her allowance!”
When a man cherishes the woman he’s seeing, he may feel that the allowance is “priceless if it means seeing her smile.” But if she is late or makes some other mistake that, from a working adult’s perspective, is simply unacceptable, and his feelings begin to turn cold, he may suddenly start feeling that the allowance he’s been giving her is a waste.
I’ll give you an example from my own experience.
It wasn’t exactly the woman’s fault, but after I paid her the full monthly allowance at the beginning of the month, she canceled and rescheduled our dates at the last minute three times in a row. Even after we finally managed to set a date, she could only meet for 50 minutes. At that point, it no longer felt like a date at all.
Even when we exchanged messages, she took an average of five days to reply.
We had been seeing each other amicably for about a year, so I thought we had built a reasonable level of trust. I also knew that she was busy with work, so I tried my best to be understanding. But at one point, my feelings suddenly cooled, and I started feeling that the monthly allowance was an enormous waste.
Once that happened, my motivation kept dropping. I found myself thinking, “This month, I’m paying ¥〇〇〇,〇〇〇 for two 50-minute coffee dates… That’s unbelievable.”
Perhaps things might have been different if she had said something like, “You gave me ¥〇〇〇,〇〇〇 at the beginning of the month, but because of my work, I haven’t been able to make much time. I don’t feel right accepting this much, so could we discuss it?” But she never made any such offer.
In the end, I was the one who had to end things.
Incidentally, you mentioned that you have a habit of being late.
I think that goes beyond simply taking someone’s kindness for granted—it’s a more fundamental issue.
Please make a thorough effort to improve this going forward.
