I’ve kept things going without any particular reason, and even though I want to end things, I find it difficult to say so. From her perspective, I offer good terms, including the allowance, so she seems to want to stay connected even casually, and I keep receiving multiple LINE messages inviting me to meet.
On top of that, I have five such partners, and I’m a hopeless member who’s bad at turning people down and wastes his time.
Honestly, I’d like to end things quickly and without hurting either of us. Could you suggest a good way to say goodbye, other than simply letting things fade out?
I’m Saito, a column writer♪
As the women here have said, I think it’s best to have an honest conversation.
If that feels difficult, you could say, “I’d like to bring this to a close by the end of this year,” or set a specific deadline.
Another option might be to switch to bank transfers through December. There are probably various ways to handle it.
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I’m BB7, a male member in my late 40s.
> From her perspective, the terms I offer, including the allowance, are good, and she seems to want to stay connected, even if only vaguely, since I get multiple invitations from her via LINE.
If she’s staying connected because the terms are good, then I imagine the invitations would probably stop if you made the terms less favorable. If you told her you wanted to lower the allowance, I think most women would disappear.
> I want to end things quickly and without either of us getting hurt.
Women are often more transactional about these things than men realize, so I don’t think she’ll be hurt that much. You may be the one who feels lonely afterward, though...
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here.
When all is said and done, the fact that you can’t bring yourself to turn her down probably means she has some good qualities too.
Maybe the reason her repeated, pushy invitations are getting to you is that you’re actually a little attracted to her.
If so, it might be worth continuing the arrangement for a bit longer.
That said, I think there is a way to let things naturally fade out: lower the allowance.
It’s probably best to end things cleanly so you’re left with good memories. There’s also a chance you could get back together later (though realistically, probably not), so a clean break would be ideal. But if you find it hard to say that outright, you could tell her that you’d like to lower the allowance starting next time—by about half, all at once.
That should reveal the truth.
If she continues contacting you with invitations just as before, you’ll realize that you may have misunderstood things: it wasn’t that she considered you a good match because your allowance and other terms were so favorable.
If that makes you reassess her, you could always return the allowance to its original amount after a few months.
If lowering the allowance significantly leads to the arrangement ending, then things turned out exactly as you expected, meaning you accomplished your goal.
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