There’s a man I’ve been seeing repeatedly.

Question

I enjoy our conversations and would like to continue seeing him, but I’m struggling with the intimate side of things. When we first met, he was kind and took the lead, but little by little, he’s started doing nothing but lie there. Recently, as soon as we enter the room, he quickly lies down and just tells me what to do, saying things like, “Get that,” or “Turn off the TV.” I’m sure my technique isn’t particularly good either, but once I get into bed, he simply holds my head and guides it to wherever he wants me to use my mouth each time. To be honest, I’m not comfortable with using my mouth, but at first I tried my best because I wanted to do it for him. However, it’s been nothing but that for a long time now, and the other day, while he was holding my head down, I found myself thinking that it felt like I was being treated like a call-girl… (I’m sure the women who do that work have it even harder, but that’s just how it felt to me.) I can’t talk to anyone about this, so could someone please give me some advice…?

Answer 1

This is Saito♪, your column writer. You should just break up with him. If you feel that your looks or character make it impossible for you to find another papa (a male supporter), then I think he’s simply taking advantage of that. Also, this is just my prediction, but judging from the fact that “he was kind and took the lead when we first met,” I suspect he treats other women courteously. What I can almost hear him thinking is: “You’re not worth the time and effort.”

Answer 2

Maezawa here with an answer. Why not try saying something like, “Would you take me out to dinner next time?” When a woman says that, some men may think, “Maybe next time we’ll have dinner first.” They might even say, “Shall we go now?” If he turns you down, then when he invites you again, you could try making him wait a little by saying, “I already have plans that day… I’m sorry.” Of course, there’s also a chance things may end there. But since you’re already feeling unhappy about the situation, if it does end, I think it’s okay to see it as simply not being a good match. Since you took the trouble to meet, it would be better if you could both enjoy yourselves. Men are happy when you accommodate some of their wishes, but I don’t think you should force yourself.

There’s a man I’ve been seeing repeatedly.

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