I’m Saito, the columnist♪
As everyone has said, I completely agree.
When I, as a male member, make an offer for 11 p.m., I also explain what will happen afterward, such as:
“We’ll spend an hour at a bar and then part ways. I’ll arrange a car separately from the allowance.”
I mean, I’d be embarrassed to even make the offer if I didn’t explain that.
If you receive a similar offer next time, since it’s late and there won’t be any trains, I think it would be a good idea to ask what kind of date he has in mind.
That male member sounds like a bit of a repeat offender. lol
Please make sure to leave feedback and help protect other women.
Maezawa here with an answer as well.
> Was it okay to turn him down as soon as I realized we were going to his home?
Yes, it was perfectly fine to decline.
That said, if you suddenly refuse and leave, he may later tell the club a completely different version of events—something like, “I only asked if going to my place was okay. I was planning to have dinner somewhere else if she said no, but she suddenly left,” making it sound as though you were the one at fault.
First, tell him: “I was told we would definitely be having dinner somewhere other than your home, so I’d like to start with dinner, please.”
If he still insists on going to his place, ask: “If we can’t have dinner out, I’ll have to leave. Could I receive the transportation fee specified in the rules, ¥5,000–¥10,000?”
If he says he can’t pay it, just leave and go home.
However, if it’s during the club’s business hours, contact the club by LINE or phone while you’re still there.
At 11 p.m., no one will be at the club, so you can simply go home. While you’re on the train or otherwise on your way home, send the club a detailed account of what happened by LINE or another method.
The club will likely contact you the next day. (Naturally, they’ll also ask the man for his side of the story.)
> If going straight to a room without having dinner violates the rules, shouldn’t the club decline offers from men who suggest meeting at a time like 11 p.m., when it’s obviously too late for dinner, or who clearly haven’t reserved a restaurant?
This is a difficult area. Some men want to have a light meal from 11 p.m. and then have drinks together afterward. That’s acceptable as long as they properly follow the rules.
However, if you’ll miss the last train—which normally happens when meeting at 11 p.m.—the man is supposed to cover the taxi fare in addition to the transportation fee paid as an allowance. If he doesn’t, ask him to pay for it on the spot. If he still refuses, contact the club.
Also, even if no restaurant has been reserved, it’s acceptable to decide where to go after meeting, so the club doesn’t automatically decline such offers.
That said, from now on, women may decline offers for 11 p.m. meetings, so you’re free to refuse. Alternatively, you could reply, “I’ll miss the last train at midnight. Will you cover my taxi fare?” The club can then confirm this with the man just to be safe. (This may also remind him of the rules beforehand.)
> If he provides room service, delivery food, or food from his home, does that count as having dinner, meaning it’s okay to go straight to a hotel or his home?
No, it doesn’t.
Unless the club has specifically approved it, that would be a violation of the rules.
If you suddenly find yourself in such a situation, contact the club. Also, please decline as described above.
Aizawa here.
> Going straight to a room without having a meal first is against the rules.
We only handle the matching process, so for the woman’s safety, we generally do not allow going straight to someone’s home or a hotel room.
There are some men who, for personal reasons, really cannot meet somewhere public. In those cases, we may allow it only if they notify the club in advance and the woman agrees. Even then, we only accept men we can absolutely trust, so as a rule, we decline such requests.
If you go straight to a room, the woman may feel anxious and find it difficult to leave. She might end up thinking, “I don’t want this, but I can’t escape...” and reluctantly continue seeing him.
“Why don’t you just go to a brothel?” has been trending lately, but if you’re going to negotiate things in a room without checking whether you click at all, you should use an escort service instead.
I’d like members to first see whether they get along before moving forward with the relationship.
That said, checking whether you click does not necessarily mean having a meal. If it’s late, some people talk at a bar, while others have a quick coffee at a café because it’s an awkward time for dinner.
If you’re thinking, “Great, then I can save money on the meal,” women are very quick to notice that kind of attitude, so I doubt it will lead to a relationship.
> So does that mean hotels or private homes are allowed from the start?
For safety reasons, the answer is generally no.
If this hasn’t been discussed beforehand, it may be best to call the club and say that you’re uncomfortable with it. (It’s also possible you simply overlooked it in the offer details...)
