I’m a female member in my late 20s. I’m single and unmarried, and I’m so in love with my regular papa that it’s painful. I couldn’t hold back my feelings and told him things like, “I love you so much” and “I want to see you much more often,” but it feels like we’ve been going on dates less frequently since then…

Even if you think your papa (a male supporter) is single and unmarried, he may actually have a wife—or someone else he considers his primary partner. From his perspective, if the relationship is based on an allowance, he may feel uncomfortable if the woman starts developing serious feelings. If it feels like you’re seeing him less often, that may be the reason. Rather than telling yourself that you love him, I think it may be better to force yourself to reframe it as loving the allowance. Since you can still go on dates even if they’re less frequent, it might be best to value the relationship you have now. In other words, avoid saying things like “I love you so much” or “I want to see you more often.” Instead, keep it to things like how kind and reassuring he is as a papa (a male supporter). That said, your feelings for him have probably grown quite strong, so it might be a good idea to find other papas (male supporters) and date them at the same time. From a man’s perspective, he may feel more reassured if he’s the only one, but to help control your feelings, I think it would be better for you to see multiple men.

No man falls in love with a woman who does papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). At most, it’s a form of pseudo-romance. There are cases where men fall in love with sex workers and marry them, but you should assume the odds are far lower than that. That said, once you’ve experienced the happiness of having all your needs fulfilled, you can no longer return to the real world. From the man’s perspective too, nothing makes his dreams come true quite like papa-katsu. If you simply let the other person lead and fulfill each other’s wishes, there’s a chance your desires may actually come true.

> Do men really dislike being pursued? It depends on the person, the situation, and who’s pursuing them. > Should I find something else to focus on...? I don’t think there’s any universal “should” when it comes to what people do. Rather than casually asking others what you should do, why not take some time to seriously reflect on your own feelings?