I’ve been seeing the same papa (a male supporter) for over a year. We have a monthly arrangement, and he gives me my allowance in an envelope. But this time, it contained only half the amount we agreed on.
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When I asked him about it, he insisted that he absolutely hadn’t put in the wrong amount and had definitely put in the same amount as every month.
Actually, the same thing happened six months ago. He insisted he couldn’t possibly have made a mistake, so the matter was left unresolved, with me taking the loss.
When that happened six months ago, I told him that if something like this happened again, it would leave us both feeling uncomfortable, so we should count the money together in front of each other. But he refused, saying it would ruin the mood.
He always hands me the envelope just before he leaves, so I can’t check it discreetly beforehand.
And now it’s happened a second time.
I suggested again that, since this is the second time, we should count it together in front of each other, but he rejected that too.
If this happens a third time, I’ll honestly start to distrust him.
Does anyone have any good suggestions?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
I think it’s time to say goodbye.
There’s something seriously wrong with his personality… Even before the money issue, I simply can’t stand him. I’m repulsed and can’t bear being around him. I never want to see his face again.
Honesty matters most, yet he deceived you!!
I wonder if he’s dishonest in his regular job as well.
Since this was a monthly arrangement, I imagine this must be especially hard for you… I’m really worried about you.
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> He refused, saying it would ruin the mood.
If the amount was wrong twice, I’d assume he’s doing it deliberately. This isn’t the time to worry about the mood—ask him to pay what’s missing. Even if he insists he put the full amount in, the fact is that it wasn’t there.
If he can’t pay, make sure to check it on the spot from next time onward.
If neither of those options works, I think it’s fine to tell him you won’t be seeing him anymore.
But are you saying it’s hard to let go because you’d be losing a reliable source of regular income?
If so, you’ll have to continue seeing him knowing that he may regularly short you by half—or that you might only receive half from now on.
That sounds emotionally exhausting, so I think you’d feel better ending things.
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First of all, I think it’s best to end the relationship once you’ve lost trust in each other.
If you still want to continue seeing him after that, I agree with Shunkashūtō-san that a bank transfer would be the best option.
That way, he can’t really argue that it would ruin the mood.
Counting the money right there is something you do only when you’re prepared for the relationship with him to end.
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Can you really feel valued by someone who has disrespected you?
I think it’s fine to keep the relationship to something that feels good for both of you.
Akari
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Ugh… “cheap” doesn’t even begin to cover it. It really feels like he’s completely taking you for granted, and it’s upsetting.
As Marika suggested, you could either start counting it right away, or make a heartfelt appeal: “I’m really sorry. Being spoken about so badly is incredibly painful for me. For your sake too, I want to check it in front of you. Please let me do this—not for the mood, but for the sake of our trust.”
If that doesn’t work, I think you’ll have no choice but to completely lose your temper. Get into an argument if necessary and talk it through thoroughly. What exactly does he mean by “the mood” you mentioned? What kind of mood is worth preserving at the expense of your trust? Discuss it with him until everything is out in the open.
And if that still doesn’t work, I think you’ll have to end things.
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I don’t think a monthly arrangement with someone who can’t keep promises is worth maintaining, so you could simply end it. But since he’s otherwise a good person, maybe frame it as: “If you can fix this one issue, I’d like to continue.”
To get someone to correct a bad habit, you usually have to be fairly firm. If this happens regularly—say, once every six months—then at the next six-month payment, open the envelope and check it on the spot, without giving him a chance to stop you. If it’s short, just say, “See? It was short.” He won’t be able to make excuses that way. Checking it immediately would normally be rude, but since there have already been two incidents, you have a valid reason. Even if the amount is correct, it may still serve as a deterrent.
On the other hand, if he reduces it by half before you do that, you’ll be furious but forced to bide your time until you catch him again. So rather than aiming for an “in-the-act” arrest, it might be smarter to check around five months in advance and use it as a deterrent.
By the way, if it’s half the amount once every six months, that works out to roughly an 8.4% discount, right? Is that really unacceptable? Maybe he’s stretching himself financially and resorting to something underhanded like this. If you can accept it, you could discuss it and make it an official rule between you.
That said, since the difference is small from the man’s perspective too, I feel this may be more about whether you can accept it than about the money itself. Men aren’t perfect either, so if he’s someone you genuinely like, it may be important to dig deeper, find the point where you can both feel comfortable, and build a solid understanding together.
Taro
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Why not just start counting right away instead of making suggestions?
Marika
Personally, though, I’d end things with that person. I’d focus on my other papas first.
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Haha, that papa is quite the operator too, isn’t he? LOL
You should report him to the club so there won’t be any more victims.
Well, I guess you’ll just have to give up on this one.
It’s best not to get involved with a man like that.
Could it be that he wasn’t actually a man?
Did he have a d***?
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