Why do older men justify their own sexual desires by saying, “I want to support you. I want to help you,” when all they really want is sex?

I write at the beginning of every column: “I joined because I wanted to have sex with women in their 20s.” This isn’t volunteer work, so even if you say you want to support or help someone… We’ve never even spoken, though.

You just want money too, don’t you? That’s why you keep talking about sexual desire, right? I get the impression you’ve never actually been on a proper date. If that’s your argument, then it seems like you’re just justifying your desire for money by saying you were kind enough to have a meal with someone or go on a date with them. Wanting nothing but money is no different from begging, so please understand that properly٩( ᐛ )و That said, I’ve never heard any woman other than you say things like that, so I think you should work on fixing that mindset a little. To begin with, why are you coming to the question box just to be abusive? You can rant somewhere else. Just because nobody will pay attention to you elsewhere, please stop posting it here.

It’s no different from saying you want to spend money on beauty treatments and designer goods, but claiming it’s for paying back your student loans, right? Marika

Good question. Most of the women I see are on monthly arrangements, so the number of adult meetings doesn’t really matter. Some, like my “ace,” receive a three-digit monthly allowance but may or may not have an adult relationship once every three or four months. Lounge hostesses are simply dating normally (not papa-katsu), so the euphemism “adult” doesn’t even exist or get used in that context. That said, I’m not trying to justify myself in the slightest—I’m fully aware that I’m just a dirty old man. Still, I think some PJ women may also see pay-per-meeting arrangements as a form of “support.” I feel sorry for the person asking, since she hasn’t met a handsome, older papa (a male supporter) who’s good at H and offers a generous allowance.

I’ve never actually said things like “I want to support you” or “I want to help you,” but when I’ve built a certain level of relationship with someone, I give her the same allowance even when we don’t have an adult relationship (intimate). And if I can’t make time to meet because of my own circumstances, I still give her the same allowance. Also, there have been times when I realized a girl I was seeing was going through a serious situation—even though she never directly asked me for money—and I gave her a fairly substantial amount to help out. Your papa (a male supporter) is probably just one of those disappointing, self-important papas who makes you feel indebted, so if you lump everyone together like this, people will probably say it’s just a rant. The fact that you can only date papas like that may be something you need to reflect on as well—or maybe you’ve simply been unlucky, so it’s hard to say. Either way, I hope you can part ways with someone like that soon, find a good papa, or develop the ability to support yourself without relying on one. By the way, I’m not trying to paint this relationship—or papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) itself—as something purely wholesome. But it has had positive effects for me too, which is why I continue.