The man I’ve been seeing three times a month for the past three months also has several other women. Until now, the men I’ve met have all told me, even if it wasn’t true, that I was “the only one.” This is my first time with someone who openly admits to seeing multiple women, and I’m finding it difficult to know how I should approach the relationship. Right now, he seems pleased when I get jealous and tells me it’s “cute,” but I’m worried that if I get too jealous, he’ll think I don’t fit his dating style. Honestly, I can’t help wishing that if he’s going to see other girls, he would see me instead.

If you genuinely tell her that you like her, you’ll probably move up to first or second place. Aya’s answer is spot-on, as always. But if you don’t really like her, then you’d just be putting on a perfect act. If it’s too painful, don’t force yourself.

Moving from seeing multiple people to an exclusive arrangement depends on the papa’s individual personality, so the strategy varies. To find out what kind of relationship style he ideally wants, I recommend asking about his past girlfriends—though “mistresses” can sound a little harsh. If you normally speak politely to each other, you could ask something like, “Hey, Mr. ___, what kind of girlfriends have you had since getting married?” If he says he’s had a girlfriend he dated one-on-one, you’re more likely to be able to turn things into an exclusive arrangement. Someone who has had one mistress before is more likely to do so again. However, if he excessively idealizes his ex-girlfriends, you should probably give up. He’s the type who remains stuck in the past, chasing an ideal woman and ultimately unable to become serious with anyone. If he says, “I haven’t had a girlfriend since I got married,” he’s probably the type who satisfies his desire for romance through nightlife, hostess clubs, dating clubs, dating apps, and multiple relationships. In that case, it’s quite difficult to turn things into an exclusive arrangement. Take the papa I’m seeing as an example. Apparently, almost all of his past girlfriends were hostesses. He would rent apartments for them and help them quit their night jobs, but eventually they would start saying things like, “I want you to leave your wife,” which would cause tension between them, and they’d break up. This happened several times, and he said he hadn’t had a girlfriend for the past ten years. So I figured that if I became a convenient, straightforward daytime woman—something different from the relationships he’d had with hostesses—he would become attached to me. I acted accordingly and ended up leapfrogging over several other women he had been seeing（笑）and becoming his exclusive partner. With other papas, I’ve managed to become their exclusive partner by interacting with them in completely different ways. So first, figure out their needs based on their past relationships and become a “good girl.” Once you feel that your papa has started to like you, try making small demands little by little. I think that approach can work. Of course, this is something you should only do with a papa you genuinely like. Because you truly believe that you like him, you can express your honest feelings, and that can make him think, “I really like this girl.” It’s not something you should force yourself to do or pretend to do. But if you genuinely like your papa, give it a try. I’m rooting for you.

It sounds like a meeting between a man who’s wired for romance and an honest woman. Doesn’t that seem promising? I’ve been through something similar myself, so this brings back nothing but fond memories（笑） Try feeding pigeons in your neighborhood park every day. Eventually, they’ll get used to you and come fluttering over, going “coo-coo” whenever you show up. Cute, right? But they aren’t your pigeons alone. They may be getting fed by other people too, and cooing at them as well. You could catch one on the spot, put it in a cage, and have it all to yourself—but you’d have to wonder whether that pigeon would really be happy. That’s simply how wild birds live. Along with people who feed them and say “coo-coo,” there are probably people who tease or bully them, and cats may even seriously attack them. But wild birds prefer that life. When you really think about it, the only thing a man can do is decide whether or not to see her again. If you accept her as she is, you can see her again. That’s all there is to it. Try it—you have nothing to lose. At first, you may feel dissatisfied or unsettled, but I think that’s just your ego making a fuss. If you keep seeing her quietly for six months or a year, she’ll start showing you wonderful expressions and attitudes beyond anything you imagined. Then it suddenly hits you: this is the truth of relationships between men and women. That’s how I attained enlightenment. Self-proclaimed, of course（笑） It’s a world where you never really know what the right answer is, so I’m not trying to impose my view on you. I hope it helps. Personally, though, I recommend white wagtails over pigeons. Their cuteness is seriously off the charts(^^) P.S. Sorry—I thought the question was from a man, but you’re a woman. I have a bad habit of skimming, so I didn’t answer properly. From a woman’s perspective, I think the choice is either to be yourself or to use tactics. I prefer people who are genuine, and I think that approach lasts longer. I think you should stay just as you are. Saying things like “You’re cute,” getting jealous even while trying to play it cool, and eventually getting angry—that’s good. It will reach her deep down eventually. Of course, it won’t necessarily work every time… As for women who rely on tactics, I personally put them in the adult-entertainment category. They’re fine as a temporary option until you meet someone you really like, but once you meet a good person, I’d cut things off without hesitation. People who choose that tactical approach are fighting on the assumption that things work that way, so if that situation arises, ending it isn’t dishonest or problematic at all. There’s no 100% guaranteed path to success, so I suppose you have to choose based on what kind of victory you want. Taro

In my case, the women I end up seeing more often are, put simply, women who respond well to me. I considered saying that it’s because the sex is good or because I enjoy spending time with them, but those feel more like conditions for continuing to see someone, so I’ll set those aside for now. By “respond well,” I mean that as the relationship continues, they gradually open up and show me more of their true selves, or start telling me things they hadn’t shared before—in other words, I can feel the intimacy growing. In my case, women who keep me at arm’s length indefinitely don’t show much progress in the relationship, even as we continue seeing each other. I find that boring, so I gradually start slowing things down. I also see multiple women, and I’m open with the women I’m seeing about the fact that there are others. I’m receptive to jealousy when it’s expressed in a positive way. For example, when someone tries to figure out what the other women have that she lacks, or wonders what she can do to become more appealing to me. On the other hand, I find it tiring when the jealousy comes across as accusatory or is expressed in a negative, unproductive way.

Men who date multiple women generally want to maintain a certain level of distance in the relationship. If they really like a woman, they may want to see her often, but if they feel she might become possessive, they’ll probably consider keeping a little more distance. The biggest thing you should never say is, “I don’t want you to see other women.”

I think it’s quite difficult for the number of times you meet to gradually keep increasing. During the first few meetings or weeks after meeting, the excitement and desire to see each other naturally make the frequency go up. It’s best to consider that frequency the peak and aim to maintain it. That said, if your physical compatibility is exceptionally good and continues to develop, it could become an exception. Also, a club arrangement isn’t romantic, and it skips dating entirely, going straight into an adult relationship. So unless you’re genuinely jealous, there’s really no need to be. Since you’re already thinking about the number of meetings and the allowance, I don’t think you should feel that kind of calculated jealousy.