I’m posting because I’d really appreciate everyone’s opinions.
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I haven’t been doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for even a year yet.
I joined last year, and over the course of about six months, I made offers to more than 20 women. Among them, I’ve been meeting my favorite woman for 70,000 yen. That was the amount she initially asked for.
Many of the women seemed to be looking for just one or two meetings, but she was different.
I don’t always offer the same amount, but my usual allowance is between 50,000 and 100,000 yen.
Since she’s my favorite, I was planning to raise it to 100,000 yen, but I haven’t done so yet.
She’s the slowest to respond, by far. She also suddenly changes plans, and I’ve had to cancel restaurants and hotels several times.
Because her replies are so slow, it takes a full week to finalize plans, even when it only requires three back-and-forth messages.
I feel like I’m low on her priority list, and that she meets me because, from her perspective, I’m a kind and convenient man.
Normally, I would increase the allowance when someone treats me well, but in this case, I’m not really inclined to.
I feel like this type of arrangement probably won’t last long.
Even if it feels like a shame, should I stop meeting her and move on to someone else?
Or, even though I’m reluctant, should I raise the allowance and see how things go?
I’d appreciate hearing everyone’s opinions.
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It’s not because he’s being kind or because it’s convenient for him—they’re seeing you because the allowance is good.
If you’re paying 7 and that’s still how she treats you, then honestly, she doesn’t want to see you.
As others have said, even if you raised it to 10, her attitude probably wouldn’t change.
Yesterday, while I was having coffee at Komeda, I overheard two women at the next table happily chatting about men.
After a while, one of them said, “I have a shift now, but I really don’t feel like going,” and then headed off to her club job, saying she had to earn money.
That’s basically how it is.
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Are you a masochist?
Why do you keep paying to meet her when she clearly dislikes you that much? You could make a new offer and meet all kinds of other people. You’re just wasting your time and money.
And do other women really tell you that 10,000–20,000 yen is enough? Isn’t that only on dating apps?
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The woman you like is probably seeing around ten generous papas, and you may rank about seventh.
A backup she wouldn’t mind cutting at any time will usually get slow replies.
If you don’t want to be dropped, move up the rankings. Whether you look for someone else is up to you.
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Response times vary quite a bit from person to person, so you can’t judge based on that alone.
If she’s a favorite, I’m inclined to increase the allowance, and I’ve never been unsure or regretted it. If you’re hesitant enough to ask about it, she probably isn’t really a favorite, so I’d suggest looking for someone else.
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If it were me, I’d keep things as they are and continue seeing her（笑）
To begin with, the women we date only see us as horny old guys. But after seeing them for a few years, they gradually realize that they were the plain, unsophisticated ones. And once the allowance starts getting fairly substantial, they’ll start calling you handsome—even if you’re not（笑）
Things move quickly in dating clubs, so if she’s one of your favorites, I think it’s fine to keep seeing her and enjoy it.
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The allowance is a whole digit different, but my ace is just like that. She cancels at the last minute all the time. Adult dates are extremely rare, and to begin with, we hardly ever even meet.
Come to think of it, not a single one of my monthly arrangement girls replies instantly.
Recently, a massage parlor worker and a lounge hostess with no prior papa-katsu experience entered into monthly arrangements with me, but their replies are still incredibly slow.
How should I put it? Unless you have the leeway to accept all of that, I don’t think you can land or keep an unbelievably beautiful woman. What beautiful women are looking for from us isn’t a “man,” but “composure and a high allowance.”
Personally, if she’s exceptionally beautiful, I’ll forgive her for just about anything. That said, I won’t fall for her or get hopelessly attached. And when it’s time to cut things off, I do it decisively. The only one I’ll never cut off, no matter what she does, is my ace.
There are beautiful women everywhere if you look, so you can always find another one. There are plenty of them outside dating clubs, too.
That said, if her replies are terrible during the text exchanges before meeting—before the first date—I may say goodbye before we ever meet.
Writing this has made me want to try dating a girl who replies instantly at least once. But I do wonder whether it would actually be fun... Even if her replies are slow and she reschedules repeatedly, I’d much rather be with someone like my ace, who’s incredibly fun whenever we do meet.
Maybe you should ask yourself this: Since there’s no such thing as a perfect woman, would you prefer someone who isn’t beautiful and isn’t great in bed, but replies quickly and will come running when you call her on short notice?
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> Since she’s one of my favorites, I was planning to raise it to 10, but I haven’t done so yet.
If you call her a favorite but still haven’t raised it, then it seems like either she wasn’t really a favorite after all, or you never intended to raise it in the first place.
Otherwise, I think you would have done it as soon as you decided to. If you had, her priority might have gone up in your mind.
Since you haven’t done that, I don’t understand how you intend to make her a higher priority.
If that’s what you really thought, you should have acted on it right away.
And if nothing changed even then, you could simply decide at that point whether to end things.
> Or should I raise the allowance and meet her even though I’m not really feeling it?
You just said you planned to raise it to 10 because she was a favorite, and now you’re saying you’re not really feeling it. Are you some emotionally unstable older guy?
This isn’t the time to be acting all emotionally unstable. If that’s what you thought, try making the allowance 10.
Incidentally, you absolutely must not say things like, “I’m not really feeling it, but…”
You should at least show enough composure to say something like:
“I liked you, so I decided to make it 10. It’s not that big of a difference, though. It’s the thought that counts.”
Even if adding 3 was actually a big burden, at least put on a brave face and act like it was no big deal.
If, after raising it to 10, you start acting all pathetic and talking about how difficult it was, it not only completely defeats the purpose of raising it, but could even have the opposite effect.
And even after raising it to 10, if her attitude doesn’t really change and you decide you’ve had enough, you can simply end things.
Still, emotionally unstable men are scary…
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She sounds like a woman who’s doing nothing but stressing you out. Is she really that attractive?
You could try increasing her allowance, but I doubt anything would change. And if her attitude does change, wouldn’t that just mean she only cares about the money? Either way, it doesn’t sound like a good situation.
The fact that you’re not able to enjoy a fulfilling relationship with her under the current allowance says it all.
I can’t tell from your question alone which of you is at fault, though.
Marika
I’m not really sure whose question you’re answering, but is it really that difficult to find a woman who’s easy to reach, fun to be around when you meet, and physically your type? I meant to answer your question, but somehow ended up asking one myself, so I’ll phrase it as a question.
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You’re really not cut out for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
A girl being slow to respond? Especially in papa-katsu, women usually reply almost instantly.
You’d be better off cutting ties sooner rather than later.
If you were a man, taking 100 times longer to reply would be normal. But for a papa-katsu girl, that kind of response is unheard of.
It’s not that you’re being ignored—you’re just such a hassle to reply to that you’ve been completely forgotten. You’re not even on their radar.
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I don’t have the particular fetish of enjoying being taken advantage of by a woman even though I’m paying her an allowance.
So if I were in your position, I wouldn’t have met her again. I also didn’t understand what exactly you thought you’d be missing out on.
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