I'm seeing a foreign papa on a pay-per-meeting basis for ¥10,000, with no adult relationship. We sometimes mix in Japanese, but we mostly speak English. I'm not good at English, so it's hard to keep the conversation going and I quickly run out of things to talk about. I try my best, thinking of it as studying English, but it leaves me exhausted, so I always pretend to have plans afterward and arrange to leave after about four hours. However, I feel bad wondering if my papa (a male supporter) would like to spend more time together. At the same time, even the current four hours feels like too little for the time I'm tied up, the fatigue, and the time spent getting ready and traveling, even without an adult relationship. The allowance also feels insufficient at ¥10,000. He's a good person, so if possible, I don't want to end things, but…
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Sorry for the long preamble. I know it varies depending on the person, but how much time and what amount of allowance do you think is ideal for a dinner-only (no intimacy) date?
Also, how can I wrap things up smoothly without making the other person uncomfortable?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Teens👑Universe female member
You get four hours of English conversation practice and money on top of that.
If I were in your position, I’d consider it a very good deal—even if the allowance were just 1.
Ultimately, doesn’t it depend on what your goal is?
For reference, when I’m seeing someone without an adult relationship, I usually do two hours over a meal for 1 or so, but that’s because I’m hoping things will develop in the future.
If I treated her to a two-hour meal every time, gave her an allowance of 1, and then said goodbye, I don’t think it would last very long.
There are tons of women at my workplace who’d love to have someone buy them dinner, and since we can talk about work, the conversation is more lively too, haha.
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When you like someone, you naturally want to talk to them, and your language skills improve without even trying—but that’s not what you mean, right? And “a good person” means someone who’s good with money, right?（笑）
If he’s an unreliable foreigner who teaches English conversation at a café, he might go to the bathroom halfway through. Pretty frequently, too. So while I’m waiting, I’ll look up how to say, “Do you have an upset stomach?” in English. Then I’ll start wondering whether I should use the present continuous because it’s happening right now—but by the time I figure it out, he’s already back. Still, it’s painfully obvious, so I wouldn’t recommend it.
Basically, you feel cornered because you’re stuck in a situation where all you can do is talk. Try setting things up so you can have a good time without constantly talking. Watch a movie together, go to an amusement park or arcade, browse the shops, challenge him to a serious game of table tennis, or have a proper night of drinking. I think it’s best to look for different ways to enjoy yourselves that don’t depend entirely on conversation.
Taro
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I may be out of touch since I haven’t been active lately, but I think it would be difficult to approach it like a class timetable.
Thinking in terms of fixed time slots is an extreme way of putting it, but you could say it means turning yourself into a rental girlfriend or treating it like a commercial sex service.
If you think of it in terms of time slots, though, it probably feels easier.
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Four hours in English… I can definitely see how that would be exhausting if you’re not confident in English.
Even so, it’s great that you’re staying positive and doing your best!
Why not just explain it honestly? Something like: “I really like you and would love to keep seeing you, but four hours is difficult for me with my current English ability. Would you be open to meeting for dinner only (no intimacy)?” Dinner alone wouldn’t take four hours, after all. You could also tell him that you’d like to spend more time together once you become more comfortable speaking English.
Another option would be to shorten each meeting and see each other more often. That way, you can keep practicing English before you forget what you’ve learned, while keeping each meeting shorter. Of course, I’m not sure whether he’d be willing to increase the frequency while keeping the current allowance…
If you can genuinely think of it as studying English, then keep doing your best.
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Regardless of whether an adult relationship (intimate) is involved, I think the best arrangement is one where both people are happy with the amount of time and allowance.
To part ways without making him feel uncomfortable, I think it would be best to say, “My English isn’t very good, so having a conversation in English for several hours is difficult for me.”
It may help to preface this by telling him that you think he’s a good person.
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