Whether it’s a real relationship or papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I lose interest and can’t continue seeing a man once my dissatisfaction builds up. However, whenever I express my frustrations honestly, every man seems to take it as a personal hit and either gets angry or sulks. So, I end up holding my feelings in because I don’t want the awkwardness and hassle of being honest about how I feel.
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I also hate that I seem unable to have any other kind of relationship with men like this (though in papa-katsu, money is involved).
How can I stay interested and build a relationship where we face things together and respect each other?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
If it’s simply a matter of poor communication, try working on how you express yourself.
Learn about assertive communication. It’s not enough to just say whatever comes to mind. There are ways to communicate your feelings effectively while still being considerate of the other person.
This isn’t necessarily about you, but people who feel they have to control everything about someone else, people who depend on their partner and think, “You should know without me having to say it—why don’t you get it?!” and people with a strong victim mentality are constantly dissatisfied with and complaining about their partner.
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I don’t want either of us to bottle up resentment, so I aim for a relationship where we can openly say what’s on our minds.
As long as you’re honest with me and it’s something I can compromise on, I have no problem continuing the relationship.
If it’s something I really can’t compromise on, then we simply go our separate ways.
By the way, I’m probably more flexible than you might think.
For example, the woman I’ve been seeing the longest is late 100% of the time, lol.
At first, I thought it might be unavoidable because of her work, but now I just factor in her lateness whenever we make plans…
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When they’re unhappy, some people tend to cool off, while others get emotional. You’re the type who cools off, right? (>_<)
I’m the type who bursts into tears emotionally, so things get resolved pretty quickly. (Though maybe I just cry until I get my way.)
My younger sister, on the other hand, is the type who cools off and gradually fades away, so she struggles with the same thing as you.
For someone like my sister, I think she’d do well in love if she dated an older man who is broad-minded, accepting, and emotionally generous.
As for you, when it comes to the club, how about trying to approach things more casually than you do now and treating it as a transactional relationship?
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In a real relationship, rather than waiting until your dissatisfaction becomes unbearable, you should talk things through.
Simply “telling” your partner can come across as one-sided, so I think it’s important to listen properly when they point out your shortcomings, tell them what you’d like them to improve, and work on things together. If both people don’t do that, resentment will build up eventually anyway.
We’re different people, so naturally we’ll have different thoughts and feelings, and there will be times when one of us has to compromise. I hope to be with someone who doesn’t see that as a burden… I think that’s what it means to respect each other.
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Holding in your frustrations means you’re not truly facing the other person.
First, consider whether your frustrations are reasonable and whether they take the other person’s feelings into account. If you believe they’re justified, try expressing them appropriately when the time is right.
That way, you can build a relationship where you both face each other honestly and treat each other with respect.
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