I know I’m the one at fault for getting involved in this world.
Having sex without protection, for free, with people I didn’t even like.
Being passed around and hurt so many times.
Men who had been inside other women and then came inside me too.
The thought that traces of other women, viruses, and bacteria may have entered my body makes me feel sick.
Is there any way to ease these feelings—wanting to do something reckless to myself because I feel like suicide is the only way to wash away this dirty version of me?
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This isn’t a dating club where you do things bare for free.
You’re not dirty. The person who would ask you to do that at a dating club is the dirty one.
And you should value your own life. You’ve made it this far, so why not take things at your own pace and enjoy yourself without pushing too hard?
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Viruses and bacteria die off pretty quickly.
Washing with soap removes almost all of them.
It’s said that skin cells are replaced about every 28 days through turnover.
You can’t see them, so I feel like you may be worrying too much.
For now, questioner, stop giving it away for free. Take a bath, wash with soap, and after a month, your body will be clean again.
On the other hand, sex is said to have many benefits.
It releases various active hormones in the brain, which can have a rejuvenating effect. Women may also see benefits such as clearer skin. Exchanging bacteria can build up resistance, and sex can help relieve stress.
Sex with someone who causes as little discomfort as possible can be good for your health.
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It can’t be helped.
I once met and came to trust a papa (a male supporter), but about six months in, I nearly ended up with an STI after he told me he’d gotten sick himself. Thankfully, my test results were negative, but I felt absolutely awful.
Still, don’t die over someone like that. They might grieve for a while, but after a month or so, they’ll forget all about you and walk around town looking perfectly fine. Doesn’t that make you angry? If you stay alive, you might even get your revenge.
And please use protection. If you haven’t been able to until now, you can start from here on out.
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