I’m seeing a papa (a male supporter) who loves reading Q&A posts. He’s a good person, but during bedroom dates, after showering, he comes back out wearing the sweaty clothes he wore to work. He also tells me to put all my clothes back on, so when we head to bed, even my clean clothes end up wrinkled and smelling. What’s hardest for me is when he licks me through my underwear or pulls the cups of my lingerie forward without taking it off. I really want him to stop licking my lingerie and treating it carelessly. When we stay overnight, I can’t do laundry right away, and I genuinely feel like crying the next day. Even inexpensive underwear is a pretty significant expense for a student, and it’s difficult to have a large supply of it. (I want to wear clothes suitable for the places he takes me, and since I do like this papa, I also want to wear cute underwear whenever possible.) I’ve tried hinting at this, but it doesn’t seem to have gotten through to him. I hope he’ll understand if he reads this Q&A post, but aside from preparing inexpensive clothes and underwear specifically for him, does anyone have any other good suggestions? Thank you.

That’s sad to hear. I wonder if men realize how unpleasant underwear with saliva on it can smell. When someone treats your bra carelessly, it can almost make you feel as though you’re being treated the same way. I once dated someone who liked tearing pantyhose. He gave me several sets: pantyhose specifically for tearing, and sheer lingerie—in my case, Aubade—to wear while he touched and kissed me as he pleased. As for your clothes, why not try telling him, “I dressed up especially for this, so I’d be sad if my clothes got wrinkled”? He may genuinely have no idea and be surprised, saying, “Oh, you didn’t like that?!” Akari

You should definitely tell the man clearly. I used to be into that kind of thing when I was younger, too. I never licked, but I would keep touching her until she got wet and her underwear was a mess… It wasn’t until a woman told me she didn’t like it that I realized I was making her uncomfortable. Men often don’t notice things like that, so telling him may solve the problem in many cases. The way you say it matters, too. He probably doesn’t mean any harm, so rather than sounding angry, I think it’s better to clearly express that you’re uncomfortable and don’t like it. Taro

Hmm? Rather than answering the questioner, are you asking us to send a message to that man? If so: To the gentleman in question: Please understand what she’s saying and add ¥10,000 for lingerie to her allowance from now on. She may feel that ¥10,000 isn’t enough for attractive lingerie, but when meeting him, she should bring a separate set that costs no more than ¥10,000. In other words, she starts out wearing cute, more expensive lingerie, then changes into inexpensive lingerie costing no more than ¥10,000 after taking a shower, and is intimate in that. I’m sorry to suggest preparing inexpensive clothes and lingerie specifically for him, but I think changing his preferences would be more difficult.

I think it would be good to explain that it’s upsetting because the clothes get damaged, and tell him that if he wants you to wear clothes while he plays around, he should buy them for you. For the questioner’s papa: If he wants to touch you while you’re wearing the lingerie, I think giving it to you should be a given. When I want a woman to keep her underwear on while I play around, I give her the lingerie. Salute, Victoria’s Secret, or imported sets that cost around ¥100,000. Since preferences in lingerie brands vary depending on a woman’s body type, ask what she likes. Then, I think it’s best to let her choose a design that you personally like. After that, I ask her if she would let me pull her panties aside and put it in. I just remembered something, so I’ll add this. Come to think of it, one of the women I was seeing once messaged me on LINE at night, asking, “Can we talk?” When I answered, the very first thing she said was: “Listen to this! The guy who offered me a date today asked me to put my underwear back on after showering, so I did and came out—and then he suddenly started licking me through my panties! I can’t go home wearing panties he’s licked, so I’m going home without any on right now! Can you believe it?!” What an awful story.