I threw out my lower back. I have my first date the day after tomorrow. (We’ve already been in touch through letter dating, agreed to an adult relationship, and he lives far away.) I’m still hoping it might get better, so I haven’t told him yet.

If you’re looking for a better approach, I’d suggest this: Don’t have sex, but give her the same allowance you would have paid if you had. Of course, explain clearly that you’re not feeling well or give another valid reason, and I think it would be best to set the date for your next meeting before you part ways. If she doesn’t accept that, then I suppose your options are either to go through with it as usual, keeping a straight face no matter how painful it is, or ideally, just end the date after dinner.

The questioner pointed out here that she is a woman. ↓Below is an answer I wrote assuming the questioner was a man. I think it would be better to mention that in advance. Isn’t that true at work as well? You can trust subordinates or business partners more when they report problems early, right? When I think of a position that puts less strain on the lower back, I think of the side position, but I don’t know whether that would be okay with the questioner’s back injury. That kind of fixation may make the woman feel increasingly uncomfortable. If it were me, I’d give up on an adult relationship and simply provide the allowance for one.