I can’t bring myself to love my husband. I don’t hate him, but I can’t help noticing only the things I dislike about him. He eats messily, makes a mess of the room, and I’m starting to find him repulsive.
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I do think he treats me as well as anyone would, but I can’t feel his love. He’s never given me flowers or surprised me with anything.
I can’t shake the feeling that I deserved someone more wonderful, and that I should have had a more wonderful—maybe even fated—encounter.
I’m considering papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) to fill this emotional void. Please give me some advice.
So, are you creating the kind of time and space where your papa can feel truly fulfilled?
You’re asking for too much. You’re basically always complaining. Know your place.
As for finding someone better, isn’t it a two-way street?
Akari
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I understand how you feel.
I’ve recently come to realize that nothing is more pointless than imagining other possibilities. As Rin-san says, continuing your papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) while carrying those feelings may not fill the emptiness in your heart.
Why not start by watching Yasujiro Ozu’s *The Flavor of Green Tea over Rice*? After that, you could head straight to a salon and make a bold change to your look. You can always do the papa-katsu—or get divorced—afterward.
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If you were given flowers, you’d probably think, “I would’ve preferred jewelry instead.” And if you were surprised with something, you might still end up saying, “This isn’t what I had in mind.”
It’s not that you’re incapable of feeling love. I think the real issue is that you don’t respect or consider your partner in the first place.
If you hate things that much, maybe you should just get divorced. This has nothing to do with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
Even if you did papa-katsu, I don’t think it would fill that emotional void.
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That’s pretty much how marriage goes.
The whole “being madly in love” phase only lasts for a little while.
As you get caught up in day-to-day life, you gradually shift into practical living mode. No one is perfect, so most couples get along while putting up with each other’s frustrations to some extent.
Even if you try papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), you probably won’t meet your soulmate, lol.
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You’re saying things that sound just like my wife.
A long time ago, she used to say similar things all the time. Then, whenever it turned into something like, “So, do you want to break up?” she’d completely lose it and start making a scene. Back then, I was always thinking, “Which is it?”
After having the same arguments over and over, I eventually realized that it was just a “setup.” All I had to say was, “I love you so much! I absolutely don’t want you to cheat on me! I swear I’ll fix anything you don’t like—just tell me!”
Don’t say this here—say it to your husband.
Your husband might miss the cue at first because he doesn’t realize it’s a “setup,” but if he’s worth his salt, he should catch on after you repeat it a few times.
Have your husband stop you—and grow closer.
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