I'm unsure how close I should be with a papa I recently met. We've met three times over the past month, including our first meeting.
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I receive a monthly allowance, and at the beginning of each month, we decide on about four days to meet in advance.
The issue is that he seems to want a relationship like romantic partners. He invites me on trips and suddenly messages me asking if I can meet the day before or even the same day.
I was previously involved with someone for three years in a relationship that was like dating, but that developed only after we'd been seeing each other for a long time. So I can't help feeling that inviting me to stay overnight or asking to meet on days we haven't agreed on, after only a month, is getting too close too quickly.
Is this kind of approach generally considered normal? I'd appreciate hearing your thoughts.
I'm still fairly new to Universe, so I don't really know how things work and wanted to ask.
I'm sorry if this was difficult to read, and I'd be grateful for any advice.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Teens👑Universe female member
Perhaps he feels that having a monthly arrangement means he can get away with being somewhat demanding.
If you’re receiving a satisfactory allowance and he properly guarantees your payment even when you can’t meet four days that month, it may be best to accommodate some of his requests.
When it comes to closing the distance, I feel there’s a difference between men and women.
Men tend to want to get close right away. But when women are approached too quickly, they tend to become more guarded.
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I do think it’s a bit much for him to ask about your plans on the day, but staying overnight after knowing each other for only a month is certainly not unheard of. This is a dating club, after all.
Even close friends often hesitate to ask about someone’s plans for that same day, and if they do ask, it’s usually with the expectation that they might be turned down.
If the allowance for a monthly arrangement were exceptionally generous, I might be willing to put up with a certain amount of selfishness.
Personally, I don’t like that kind of possessiveness, so I wouldn’t want a monthly arrangement.
Marika
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That person clearly has no sense of boundaries. You may want to be a little careful… It might be best to let him know what pace you’re comfortable with so you can continue seeing each other without pushing yourself.
(By the way, you mentioned that you’re a teenager, but the person you were in a relationship with for three years—someone you were close to like a romantic partner—was around your age and not a papa, right? Sorry, I was just a little curious.)
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I’m busy with work and can’t go on trips or anything like that.
As for someone inviting you on a trip after just one month, I’m not sure about that…
Still, if you’re looking for an allowance, I suppose it may be unavoidable. But I think you should carefully consider who you choose to see.
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Would the person asking the question really be satisfied with a “typical” answer?
It varies from person to person—it’s really about the chemistry.
Even as a man, I’ve had women ask about my availability on the day of, while others ask one or two weeks in advance. I don’t think there’s any one standard.
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Everyone is different, so it’s hard to say what’s typical.
But if you initially agreed to meet four days a month, I think you should tactfully communicate your own boundaries—for example, saying that you can’t meet on short notice or that you’d prefer to wait until you’ve been seeing each other for at least a year before traveling together.
Hopefully, you’ll become better at handling all kinds of people, though I understand that it isn’t easy.
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They suddenly message me asking if I can meet the day before—or even the same day.
I feel like that’s pushing it a little. I’d appreciate a bit more consideration in this relationship, haha.
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