Sex with my usually dinner-only papa (a male supporter) is painful and unbearable, and I’m wondering whether to end the arrangement. We’ve been seeing each other for a year now. He usually only has relationships with women for under 50,000 yen, but with me, he has an adult relationship (intimate) for more than that amount.

We’ve met dozens of times for dinner only, but we’ve only had an adult relationship (intimate) about five times. I have a monthly arrangement with another man, so unless a man asks me, I never initiate anything myself. He’s around 54–56, about 35 years older than me. He asked me yesterday for the first time in a while, so I went along with it, but it was genuinely disgusting and painful. He likes doing it while still wearing clothes, so after showering I put my underwear and clothes back on. But then he kisses my entire body—even my toes and palms—and licks me through my panties. He pulls my panties aside to perform cunnilingus too. It’s fucking disgusting. Despite that, the foreplay is practically nonexistent. The cunnilingus lasts about a minute, and he doesn’t finger me at all. So when he penetrates me, it’s excruciating even though I’m wet. Girls can get wet even when they’re being raped as a way for the body to protect itself (a doctor papa (a male supporter) told me), so it’s the same thing. It hurt so much, and he’s around 55 and couldn’t finish at all, so I was on the verge of tears. I kept moaning and crying in agony, and eventually he came. During it, I was thinking that I never wanted to see him again. But we’ve become very close through all the meals we’ve shared, and the only painful part is this extremely occasional adult relationship (intimate). We get along well personality-wise, so I can’t just cut him off easily. He absolutely loves having sex with me and practically skips to the hotel. He’s having a great time all by himself. Would you end an arrangement with a man you’re very close to outside of the adult relationship (intimate), even though the occasional adult relationship (intimate) is painful? I’d still like to see him for dinner only, but if we continue the arrangement, there will inevitably be another adult relationship (intimate) at some point, so I’m torn.