If a man I’m seeing tells me he had an STI screening, should I get tested too?
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A man I’ve been seeing regularly for a year and a half suddenly messaged me on LINE saying, “I got tested for STIs, and everything came back negative,” along with an image of his test results.
I’d never received a message like that from him before, so I asked whether something had made him concerned. He said, “I felt unusually tired toward the end of the year, and since I’m a doctor, I’m also exposed to the risk of coming into contact with blood, so I thought I should get tested regularly. But maybe I ended up worrying you instead.”
I told him, “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with me, so please don’t worry,” and he said, of course he knew that. But feeling unusually tired means he suspected he might have contracted an STI, doesn’t it?
Alternatively, I can think of these possibilities:
(1) He got tested because he has another regular partner.
(2) He got tested because he thought he might have caught an STI from me. (He was tested two weeks after seeing me, after the incubation periods for the common STIs had essentially passed.)
If that’s the case, was this some kind of unspoken pressure for me to get tested too...?
We have unprotected sex, but for various reasons, I’m certain that I don’t have an STI.
However, should I get tested too in order to maintain our good relationship?
Our stable relationship is still continuing, so I feel that it would be riskier to say something like, “Now I’m worried too, so I’d like to get tested. But a full screening costs nearly ¥20,000, which is expensive, so I’d like you to pay for it,” and end up damaging the relationship...
What would be the right thing to do? (/_;)
Would it be okay to just carry on as if nothing happened...?
I’m Rin, a female member of SALON.
I don’t know what prompted him to get tested, but it sounds like he had some concerns.
Since you mentioned that you’re having unprotected sex, why not get tested yourself if you’re worried? If he’s your monthly arrangement partner, you’re presumably receiving a decent allowance, so asking him to pay for the test would be a bit much…
You could say something like, “I’d like to get tested too—about how much did it cost?” But I don’t think you should go into it expecting him to pay. If he offers to cover it, just consider it a lucky break.
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I’m Nana Ayase.
You hadn’t gotten tested? You really should get tested at least once every two months.
Look into it—there are places that charge less than ¥10,000. I definitely recommend searching online and going to one.
Tell the man, “I’ll look into it too.” I think it would be good to mention that the testing fee can be a little expensive.
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I’m a male member, Dai.
When you say “various factors,” I assume that means you’re only seeing one person.
Otherwise, I don’t understand how you can be so sure you don’t have an STI.
That said, there’s no guarantee that the man you’re seeing is only seeing you.
It’s your health, so I think you should get tested regularly from now on.
Also, since we don’t know whether you’re truly only seeing one man, it would probably be difficult to ask him to cover the cost.
I recently told the woman I’m seeing that I had gotten tested, too, but I wasn’t telling her because I wanted her to get tested.
I wasn’t trying to pressure her by saying, “You should get tested, too.” I was simply showing her proof that I had tested negative.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
It sounds like he either slept with another woman or went to a sex-service establishment, and then developed symptoms resembling an STI. That’s probably why he got tested, so it’s good that the results were negative.
As Marika said, I think it would be best to casually ask how much it cost.
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If you tell the man, “I’m thinking of getting tested too. About how much does it cost?” some will offer to cover it. For those who don’t, though, it’s probably best not to ask them to pay.
Kazu
Women should get properly tested at a gynecologist’s office. Even if the man is a doctor, he can’t perform the tests unless he’s an obstetrician-gynecologist.
Marika
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