I’d like to ask about the emptiness and loneliness papa-katsu women feel around the New Year, and the suicidal thoughts I experienced without any sense of strength or hope.
This content is machine-translated.
I’m groggy from sleeping medication, so please excuse the poor writing.
I’m 24.
I’ve been very close with a papa (a male supporter) who is 15 years older than me for about six months, and we’ve been seeing each other on very good terms.
I trust and respect this papa very much.
However, if you ask whether true love exists in relationships that begin through a dating club, I think the answer is almost certainly no.
My reason for joining was money, money, money, savings, savings, mutual funds, asset management—in other words, money (lol).
To be honest, what first attracted me to him was the large allowance.
But gradually, we realized that we had incredibly good sexual chemistry, and there are nights when we end up wanting each other all night, saying, “I can’t believe we’re this compatible...”
He makes time to chat with me by LINE whenever he can, and we can talk on the phone when he’s out. It doesn’t feel like a burden at all; it’s fun. I pretend to act normal, but I find myself eagerly waiting for his messages.
He’s also given me expensive presents for special occasions like my birthday, Christmas, and White Day.
I feel so comfortable with him, and just when I started thinking I wanted to stay with someone like this forever, he told me:
“I want children.”
The children he has with his wife are twin boys conceived through fertility treatment.
He says that, if possible, he’d like to have a girl with me.
Of course, he says he would love a boy too, but...
He keeps asking me again and again to have a child with him.
He says things like:
“Because of my assets and my relationships with my wife’s family and my own family, I absolutely can’t have an affair.
If you have my child, I’ll support you for the rest of your life. I’ll buy you a condo and a car, pay child support, and do my best to help educate our child—I’ll fulfill my responsibilities as a father. I want you to let me come over half the month to help raise the child.”
But given his personality, I don’t think he’s lying.
We’re celebrating Christmas together after the fact in the New Year. (It’s sad, though.)
Then the other day, he warned me, “I won’t be able to message you on LINE for a week starting on New Year’s Eve. I’m sorry.” I know he has two smartphones.
At that moment, I realized that no matter how wonderful the words he says are, how many presents he gives me, or how much fun we have together, I’m ultimately just the second woman in his life—his wife, living happily and harmoniously with him in their detached house, is part of his permanent assets.
As for the mistress who trades her youth and looks for a lump sum of money, she’s just like a tenant in a fixed-term rental apartment. If he finds a younger, more attractive girl at the club, he’ll switch to her, and I’ll be the one thrown out when my short-term contract ends.
Being told there would be no contact at all over the New Year finally woke me up. I fully understand that I’m not supposed to take being a mistress seriously or ask for too much. But it’s painful to keep meeting him while acting as though I still love him.
What should I do?
If you’ve come to your senses, then you can leave him.
But if your feelings haven’t changed, I think it’s okay to keep believing in him.
> If he finds a younger, more attractive girl at the club, I’ll be pushed out when my short-term contract ends, won’t I?
I don’t think that’s necessarily true.
Paper Airplane
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When I was 24, I was in a relationship with a man 17 years older than me.
Don’t you think six months into a relationship is when you’re least able to see things objectively? Even if you’re thinking about having children, I feel it would be fine to wait at least another two years.
Another way of looking at it is this: if you don’t want to get married in the first place but do want children someday, then having a child could be an option. You could raise your child while you’re still young.
You’d be finished with child-rearing before you turn 40, and I think you could enjoy the rest of your life from there.
I never had children with that man, but sometimes I think it would have been fine to have had a child without getting married. Married life doesn’t work out perfectly for everyone, and I don’t think marriage is something you absolutely have to do.
In any case, I don’t think you can think calmly right now because you’re too much in love with him. Once the relationship settles down and enters a more stable phase, in a good sense, and you no longer need sleeping pills, you can think about it again.
I even tried dating other men, but I ended up going back to him, and we went around in circles for 20 years. If we’d had children, they’d be adults by now (laughs).
Things have calmed down with COVID, so why not go back to your parents’ home for New Year’s and take it easy? If you shut yourself away alone, you’ll just end up overthinking things.
Marika
Huh? Reading the end again, maybe what you’re saying is that you’ve come to your senses and can’t treat him the same way as before, and you’re wondering what to do.
In that case, try to interact with him as normally as possible. If you start feeling uncomfortable or stressed, it means you don’t like him as much as you used to.
That’s why I said that after only six months, you still can’t see anything clearly.
If, once you’re able to look at things calmly, you still love him, then maybe you can start thinking about having children. However, I do still wonder whether he would continue to see you as a woman after you had a child.
He might end up finding someone else, you know.
If you’ve considered that possibility and still feel that you want a child, then I think it’s worth considering.
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I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
Is he not planning to acknowledge the child? Isn’t that the most important thing? Even if you secure everything around it, wouldn’t things be tough without that? If he hasn’t mentioned it, then he probably has no intention of acknowledging the child.
Today, I’m taking my daughter to a park in Chichibu, then we’ll come home, take a bath together, practice piano together, and go to bed together. I think there are plenty of things in raising a child that money alone can’t solve.
Besides, childcare is mainly done during the day, not at night.
Also, I usually go out with just my daughter while my wife stays home to rest, so I can check my phone—and message the woman I’m seeing—when I’m out on a date with my daughter.
In other words, that man probably still isn’t taking care of the child by himself.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here as well.
It sounds like your original goal was money, but you’ve started developing feelings for him, and that’s what’s troubling you.
I think you should try to get your feelings back on track. That said, I don’t think it’s a problem if you still have some feelings for him.
I’m not quite sure why you make it sound as though a detached house is somehow better than an apartment. If you want a detached house, why not simply tell him that?
The way you’ve written this, it sounds like he might actually buy one for you.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Does your papa know that you’re taking sleeping pills? You should first make sure he understands that you’re so overwhelmed you can’t sleep without relying on psychiatric medication.
As things stand, your papa is just blissfully unaware and has no idea how much pain you’re in.
And telling someone who’s on medication, “Have my child,” without offering any emotional support makes him a terrible papa. Besides, medication is contraindicated when trying to conceive, so you can’t have a child until you’re healthy first.
I think you should build a relationship with your papa where you support each other in improving your mental health.
I took medication for a while too, but I was able to stop because my papa praised me whenever I did. Once you stop taking it, your ability to think clearly comes back, so you’ll also stop desperately seeking love from a married papa. I’m serious.
I was able to think more calmly, realize again that my devoted, hands-on papa had a wife, and keep a healthy distance from him. In the end, I also found another generous (well-paying) papa, which helped me achieve a better balance.
I’m not saying you need to find another papa too, but once you’re thinking clearly again, I’m sure you’ll be able to find a boyfriend pretty quickly.
In any case, sleeping pills take away your ability to think, so your papa-katsu problems won’t go away unless you deal with that first. I think that’s where you should start.
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It’s Seattle.
It feels like a Ryoko Shinohara song, and I get swept up in it.
I think you should have his child and settle comfortably into the No. 2 position. Like Eiichi Shibusawa’s mistresses, have him support you for the rest of your life. There’s no way you’ll ever find a man better than him.
Get as much money upfront as possible.
Have him pay the child-rearing expenses in advance, before he gets you pregnant.
Start with 10 million yen.
If you get pregnant, add another 20 million yen. No refunds even in the event of a miscarriage.
Add another 10 million yen upon giving birth.
If it’s a girl, add another 10 million yen, and so on.
Eiichi Shibusawa is going to be on the next 10,000-yen bill.
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I’m a male member and a total loser.
Even though I absolutely hate staying overnight, she made me stay over for some ridiculous reason like, “It’s the end of the year!” Then she asked me to finish inside her, and after I did it repeatedly, I guess she was satisfied—because my monthly partner is now sleeping soundly beside me.
I don’t understand the mindset of papas who like overnight stays even one bit... I want to work, but she insists on being held, so I can’t get anything done either...
I’ll get straight to the point: first, accept that there’s no way to become number one, look ahead, and make the most of the advantages of being number two.
That’s my answer.
When it comes to communication, my situation is the exact opposite of yours. My ace can contact me as much as she wants, but I never contact her first. I simply reply immediately whenever she messages me.
I know all too well that her sister-obsessed older brother sticks to her like a bodyguard, so it would be a serious problem if anything happened. Apparently, he casually checks her phone too.
You should get a boyfriend first. I don’t think there’s any other solution.
And don’t have children. Take the pill without telling him. Then you can let him finish inside you and lie, saying, “I want to have your baby too.”
At the same time, calmly work toward marrying your boyfriend. I really don’t think there’s any other solution. If your papa treats you as his second choice, then you should make him your second choice too.
Think about it calmly: you’re actually incredibly fortunate.
Ninety-nine percent of PJs are struggling because they can’t find a generous papa, and are forced to accept papas for low allowances—sometimes just 5,000 yen per meeting. Being told that he’ll support you for the rest of your life is an incredible luxury.
So make the most of it. If you’re “the other woman,” then take advantage of being number two. It’s not exactly revenge, but you might as well do something revenge-like, right? He’s treating you as his second choice too.
Suck as much money out of that papa as you can, like a Dyson. You don’t often meet someone you’re physically compatible with in life, so there’s no need to break up.
Sorry for going on so long, but I actually like being “the second man.”
A papa can never become the number-one man, no matter what he does—and I don’t think he should.
But there are plenty of things you can do precisely because you’re number two.
For one thing, it’s easygoing. If you become number one, you have to take on all sorts of responsibilities, but as number two, you can do whatever you want. In fact, I currently have 11 monthly partners—enough to make a soccer team.
I’m also completely committed to being the second man to my ace. That’s probably why she feels so comfortable with me and stays so attached.
Even with my former ace, who I got back together with, I play the role of the second man, which lets us enjoy a relaxed relationship. I’m sure she feels comfortable with it too.
Aiming to be number one is enough in business.
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