A long time ago, after watching the film Lost Paradise, I joined a dating club hoping to meet a woman I could become completely immersed in, both emotionally and physically. But I still haven’t met anyone like that. Maybe it’s a matter of my own mindset, but have any of you met someone like that? I may be approaching things incorrectly from the initial selection stage. I’ve been making offers to women in their early 20s who are working hard at their jobs or studies, focusing on their looks, intelligence, positivity, and cheerful personalities. Recently, though, I’ve started wondering whether I might have better luck meeting the kind of person I’m looking for if I focused more on age and personality—though, of course, you can’t know someone’s personality until you meet them. I realize everyone is different, but I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts. Thank you.
I’m Nana Ayase ♡
Even if you’re a man in your 50s… you can still lose yourself in a passionate romance with a woman in her 20s…
If you’re in your 40s or 50s, try making offers to a few women.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
> I’d like to meet a woman I can lose myself in, both emotionally and physically.
I think that’s taking it a little too far. I’d rather avoid things getting overly complicated.
That said, I understand how you feel. Wouldn’t simply being close be just right?
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To begin with, Hitomi Kuroki was in her late 30s in *Lost Paradise*, right? So the age in the offer would be different to begin with. Aren’t you thinking of *High School Teacher* instead?
Marika
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Men who see women as commodities—saying things like, “At a dating club, I can keep cycling through women I’d never normally get to be intimate with”—are an instant turn-off. But the next biggest turn-off is men who are too romantic.
That’s because overly romantic men also fail to see each woman as an individual. They’re only seeing an idealized fantasy: “a woman I can lose myself in.”
From the woman’s perspective, it starts to feel like, “This papa is only looking at a fantasy. As long as a woman plays along to a certain extent, it doesn’t really matter whether it’s me or not.” Out of resentment, she may start reducing him to the fantasy of money.
Either way, it can turn into a pretty hollow relationship where both sides reduce the other to “the ideal mistress” and “nothing more than an ATM.” Though I suppose it’s fine as long as everyone’s having fun.
At any rate, choose someone you can relate to as a fellow human being. That might be difficult if you’re only looking at women in their early twenties.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Right now, I’m completely swept up. She’s a woman I met through the club, and our relationship is starting to feel very much like an affair.
It’s true that we’re not that far apart in age.
But seriously, how many years do you think it took us to get to this point?
Two years! LOL
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I’m Fuu, a columnist.
If you want to lose yourself emotionally, this is probably not the place to meet someone. Rather than a dating club, you’d be better off looking elsewhere for a normal romantic relationship.
I agree that personality is important in a relationship, but what you’re looking for is different from what the questioner wants. The allowance is there to keep things from getting complicated in an adult relationship (intimate) with clear boundaries.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I don’t want to get in over my head, so I make a conscious effort not to. That’s what I believe the allowance is for.
Adding this after reading Marika’s answer:
It’s true—Rinko is a married woman in her thirties.
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